Naughty or nice?

Make a list of the things you’ve done for other people lately. If it’s a short list, see if you can add one or two generous acts to it. If it’s a long list, see if you can add a few good deeds that you do for yourself.

Be an extraordinary machine.

“Be kind to me or treat me mean, I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine.” –Fiona Apple.

What have you given up?

What have you given up because your Inner Critic beats you down with fear? What doors have you closed for yourself because you’ve allowed your doubt to run the show?

Imagine for a moment that you don’t have an Inner Critic. Instead you have an inner warrior. What will that strong, confident voice tell you it wants to do?

Giving It Exactly the Respect It Deserves

Two things tend to happen when the Inner Critic has been lying low: either you keep being happy, or you start looking for it to invite back in. Or of course, the Inner Critic reappears, seemingly without your invitation at all.

Imagine dealing with a vampire who has stepped into your house. Either you can scream and try to run, so tense that you’re practically guaranteed to get caught; or you can keep doing whatever you were doing, maybe brushing your teeth, and casually wave some garlic at it.

In other words, if you find yourself dealing with the Inner Critic again, the more you treat it as a powerful threat, the more powerful it will be.

(The New York Times has an article about the imp of the perverse… and how the more you try not to think of something, the more you think of it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/07/health/07mind.html?th&emc=th)

Instead, greet the Inner Critic with “Oh, you again. Whatever.” and get on with your business. Don’t bother trying to shut it up; just don’t listen to it.

Stretch your inflexibility.

I have struggled for the past year with the idea of letting go of beloved rituals and habits. Because writing is what I do for a living, I knew I had to create a structure for my life so I wouldn’t succumb to cleaning the house or watching Oprah instead of heading to my home office to do my work. Every morning I made coffee, spent quiet time reading and writing in my journal. Then I would head to the desk, check emails and my calendar, then write. Break for lunch. In the afternoon, I conducted interviews or researched a new project. Break for exercise.

I was very attached to this schedule. And in fact, would get irritated at any interruptions of it. I clung to my schedule as a way of shushing the Inner Critic who reminded me constantly that I was really afraid that if I didn’t have my habits, I would do absolutely nothing. My schedule was shot to hell the second my daughter was born. At first I fought the death of my schedule, struggling in vain to continue to work at the same pace as before in exactly the same structured days. Disaster.

Lately I’ve been meditating on flexibility. I’ve experimented with writing at 4 a.m. before anyone is awake, snatching time during naps, and asking my mom to watch the baby so I can sneak a few hours in. I’ve purchased a notebook that I carry with me and have started writing in longhand again, a paragraph at a time, while I watch my daughter play at the park.

Today, stretch your body. And consider if there are any areas of your life in which you have become too rigid. How can you experiment with different ways of approaching the same old problem?

Vacation! (And then what?)

Watch out for trying to perpetuate high times beyond their expiration date.

It’s great to enjoy them to the fullest while they’re happening, but when they’re over, they’re over. The Inner Critic likes to pretend to keep living them, by going over them in your mind’s eye, rewriting conversations, spinning possible future situations… in other words, crafting drama.

The first thing to realize is that coming off a high time does NOT mean you have to sink down or go low. You don’t have to sink into a mini-depression every time something great happens and then ends. In fact, the Inner Critic’s drama fest is guaranteed to make you feel bad because it’s not real.

Instead, you can follow a high by re-acquainting yourself with depth. At first it will feel like you’re tumbling towards boredom, but if you “embrace the boring” you won’t be sinking low, you’ll be going deep, into a very different but every bit as satisfying state of being.

Rest.

Today, take a break from the Inner Critic–take a nap.

Buy yourself something pretty or inspiring.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t promote blatant consumerism especially during these trying economic times, but sometimes inspiring music, a new book or a gorgeous new (reasonably priced) handbag are just what the doctor ordered.

Procrastination or Self Sabotage?

Is there something that you’ve avoided doing for so long that the avoidance itself is a form of self-punishment? Just like those of us who fall into cycles of abuse in our relationships with other people, we can fall into the same kind of love/hate/fear/shame cycle with the Inner Critic. If you have put off a project that you really do at your core want to do ask yourself these hard questions: Have you become addicted to the drama of self-loathing? Have you asked other people to help you finish this project? Under what perfect conditions could you finish? How can you set up those conditions to help you succeed instead of fall back into the cycle yet again?

Find your authentic self.

What if you want to do something that goes against the training you’ve received from society about what is “cool” or “literary” or “responsible”? Can you turn your back on the Inner Critic when its voice sounds like your teacher, your father or your best friend? Can you continue to shed layers to become your authentic self even if you think it makes you a little bit selfish or cheesy or irresponsible?