Yesterday I was talking to publisher and entreprenuer Paula Bisacre about how it sometimes feels like you have to constantly push, push, push to create a life that has meaning. This is a conversation I have had many times over the years with different people: Why can’t my life be easy? Why can’t I be like those people who seem to find happiness so effortlessly? Why can’t I be less complicated? Why does my Inner Critic have to be so critical of me? Why can’t I just have a simple life? Why do I have to work so hard?
While contemplating this idea, I took a break to play with my daughter. She is currently learning how to stand up. I put a box of diapers in front of her. She grabbed the sides and pulled herself up into a stand. Wobbling back and forth, she practiced balancing for a good ten minutes. Then with little grunts that showed just how hard she was working, she pulled one hand off the box and waved it in the air like a bull rider. She was so pleased with herself that she grinned and giggled even as she continued to struggle. “I did it! I did it!” she seemed to be thinking. It brought tears to my eyes watching her work so hard.
But then something happened. She stood up straight, let go of the box with both hands, pushing herself backward as she did so with absolute faith that I would be there to catch her. She was in free fall for a few seconds before her tushy hit my lap. Then she snuggled into my shirt and smiled.
My daughter stopped pushing when she needed a break. It was that simple.
But she can still listen to her body. Her movements are dictated by her energy and she doesn’t know how to ignore what her body needs. When I try to take breaks, my Inner Critic, The Heavyweight (TH), immediately starts yelling at me:
TH: What are you doing?!!! You lazy, son-of-a-b&*?%!!!! Move! Move! Move! Don’t you know that you are going to fail if you just sit on your butt and do nothing?!
ME: But I’m so tired. I just need a break.
TH: Take a break and you’ll never get up again!
ME: Just fifteen minutes. That’s all.
TH: You are such a loser! This is all because you’re fat and stupid! You have no self-control!!! Etc. Etc. Etc.
I don’t know about you but I would rather be like my daughter. I would rather listen to my energy and push when I need to push and relax when I need to relax.
When do you stop pushing? When you need a break. Even if it’s only five minutes here and there to begin, start building breaks into your life. For the next few days, pay attention to your energy levels. When you get cranky or feel de-energized, stop and take ten really deep breaths all the way down into your belly. Put on some beautiful music. Visit a flower shop. Call up one of your beloveds. Watch your all-time favorite movie.
Operations theory (think: how to run an efficient factory) teaches us that you CANNOT run your factory at 100% or even 95% or 90% all of the time. Downtime and excess capacity are important for two reasons:
1) To do maintenance — planned maintenance is far more effective and cost efficient than emergency maintenance.
2) To ensure you have a little bit of excess capacity, not too much, to ramp up production if demand starts increasing.
We’re just like the factory! We need to ensure regular, preventative maintenance, and that includes rest, relaxation, fun, doing nothing, and spiritual reflection just as much as hardcore exercise. The occasional slice of chocolate cake as much as healthy salads. Tea and sympathy over time is much more effective than emergency visits to the doctor.
And without excess capacity, we don’t have energy to answer the door when interesting new opportunities knock, or to deal with times of stress. I secretly love it when my PDA crashes, as it just did this morning, because my to-do list gets wiped out. I spend my days filling up the to-do list with dumb crap because my Heavyweight thinks I can somehow get to a place where every single thing in the world is accomplished and perfect. But when I spend time focusing on that to-do list of minutiae, I lose my capacity to see new, better, more interesting opportunities.
You are so right. We all need to stop and take stock of our lives, both in our work and personal life, on occasion. It is so easy to get caught up in the mad rush of it all, focusing on nothing but the project in front of you to the exlusion of all else.
We follow that inner voice that is telling us to keep on going and ignore the flow of energy that drives our creativity and productivity…oftentimes to our own detriment.
We can all learn from your little one that you push when you need to push, and you stop and rest (if not in someone’s lap, in another area of comfort) when you need to rest.
I think there are many more lessons to be learned from our children, they seem to know some of the secrets of life that we have forgotten.
AJ