“Ignore it and it will go away” may come back to haunt you.

Hey, how’s your old bodinsky doing? Your nearest and dearest, your own flesh and blood, in the most basic sense of those words? Any weird health things show up lately? Odd symptoms? Maybe an old problem you’ve successfully ignored just stood up and demanded attention again?

In times of high stress, we tend to take a pretty tough approach to our bodies. We’ve got way more important things to worry about, so we simply expect our bodies to be there and do what we want them to do. And in a way, our bodies will simply be there for us, because we can’t walk out of them like a house.

This approach leads to things like the phenomenon I witnessed in virtually every person I knew who went to grad school: they all got sick. Really sick. As in, everything from lupus to near hospitalization for respiratory disease. Not only do grad students cut back on basic body care, they heap more and more stress on their weakened conditions – only they forget that it’s physical stress because it feels so mental and emotional.

All of us are facing a highly unusual, probably tough, year. Don’t grit your teeth and stiffen your jaw and assume your body will soldier through. Get the health insurance, whichever way you can. Take stock of what feels bad and where and when. Don’t over-surf the web and turn yourself into a hypochondriac, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that a chronic condition is normal just because it’s there all the time. Get your checkups, all of them. And if you know there’s a problem, but a doctor seems dismissive or defeated, get the second opinion, and third and fourth, until you feel confident that you’re on the right track.

This may be a hassle now, but it could be a crisis later. Smack it down while it’s small.

Take a quiz.

Answer these questions:

• What is hidden in you that you wish you could show?
• What are your favorite body parts?
• What do you think of people who seem deeply happy?
• How would people you don’t get along with describe you?
• When in your life have you been the most happy?

 

There is no good or bad. What helps?

There is a welter of very bad things in this world, a lot of unnecessary deaths and ignorant devastation. Selfless, hard-working people are desperately needed; so why are you spending so much time working on yourself? And why are we encouraging you?

Consider scale. Yes, on the grand scale, there’s a lot of good and bad. Some things you can change and some things you can’t. So do what you can and maybe remind yourself that you could do more.

But on a personal scale, don’t fall into the trap of treating everything that happens to you like it’ll make or break you. The bait is set when you decide something is “good” or “bad.” The trap is, the Inner Critic never lets anything be good. “Oh, your new job isn’t as bad as you thought it would be? You’re lucky to have one? You actually feel like you could stay here for a while? Well, you’re going to get so comfortable here that you’ll stop challenging yourself and you’ll never have a new job again and you’ll be working here when you’re eighty and you’ll be the burned out, bitter shell of a human being in the corner that everybody pities.”

If nothing is ever good, then nothing ever gets to change for the better, including you.

Notice when you decide something about your life is good or bad. Try asking “Is this helpful or not helpful?” instead. “This new job is definitely helpful right now, for new friendships, for a new skill set, for my checking account…”

If the answer is “not helpful,” re-examine it. Is it helpful in a way you hadn’t thought of before? Is it helpful for somebody else? If the answer is still no, junk it. (And of course, if it seems helpful for you but it’s harmful to other people, you’ve switched onto the grand scale, where good and bad still exist.)

Test your pleasures.

Instead of doing the same old things for fun, ask your family and friends what they absolutely love to do. You know, the times when they are so involved in the sheer pleasure of what they’re doing that they get caught up. Then try out their greatest pleasures for yourself. My husband is going to attend a Japanese drumming performance by Kodo with me and I’m going to play Grand Theft Auto IV with him.

How about you?

Today, nothing really matters.

Nothing at all.

So what will you do now that the pressure’s off?

Where do you focus your energy?

What do you do all day? What do you spend your time and energy on? Are those things in alignment with your core values? Are they moving you toward the goals you’ve set for your life? If not, change your tune.

Tell your side of the story.

For as long as people have been around, they have told stories to make sense of the world. Most of these stories are totally fiction, while the Inner Critic likes to tell you that its interpretations and predictions represent reality. Funny how its reality seems to have a lot of bad endings, huh? Funny how it always tells you horror stories.

But if you assume that everything happens for a reason, and then you start deciding what the reasons are, and you come up with some really beautiful, hopeful, tasty stories, maybe even some happy endings…

(The Inner Critic whines, “Your stories aren’t real!”

Sass back! “Well, neither are yours.”)

No, your reasons might not be real… yet. But brighter stories make you feel better, and when you feel better you act differently. You make different decisions, you say different things, and you treat people differently. And that is really real.

Behind Every Dragon Is…

There’s a scene in C.S. Lewis’s book Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Eustace, a pre-teen and kind of a miserable whiny beast, has turned himself into a dragon by drinking from a stream of magical water. He has a moment of exhilaration when he figures out he can fly, but it quickly dies when he realizes that if he can’t turn back into his true self, his companions will have to abandon him to a solitary life on a desert island.

But Aslan the lion appears, and advises Eustace to use his dragon talons on himself and tear away his own dragon skin. Eustace does, and sheds a few scales. So Aslan has to show him how it’s really done. He sinks a claw so deeply through the dragon skin that it hurts, and pulls, which hurts more. But the pain is temporary, and Aslan eventually pulls the entire dragon skin, and the old miserable whiny beast skin, too, off of the boy beneath. Eustace is changed forever.

Find fifteen minutes today and imagine a claw sinking all the way beneath your dragon skin and pulling it off. Don’t bother studying and analyzing the skin to figure out exactly what it is, either. Just get rid of it.

Success Story: Paula Bisacre

Paula Bisacre, founder of Remarriage LLC is the publisher and executive editor of reMarriage magazine, a new online quarterly publication that provides practical solutions for the growing remarriage community.

In 2006, Paula’s youngest son, Trevor, was diagnosed with Type I diabetes.  Faced with the demands of his condition, Paula opted to change careers, enacting a business plan she conceived when she was planning her second wedding. 

Paula currently lives in Howard County, Maryland, where she works to balance her new career and the unique demands of her blended home.  Her husband and ever-supportive companion is retired Col. Michael Bisacre.  An Army Intelligence officer for 26 years, Col. Bisacre was stationed at Ft. Meade, Maryland and commanded the 902^ndMilitary Intelligence Group.  In his final post before retiring, Bisacre served as Deputy Commander of the U.S. Army Intelligence and Security Command in Ft. Belvoir, Virginia. 

Together, the Bisacre’s have five kids: Jennifer, 23; Amanda, 21; David, 17; Tyler, 16; and Trevor, 11.  Even their pets have become canine siblings – Hunter is a golden retriever and Buster a miniature pincer.

Paula is actively involved in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation where she serves on the board of directors for the Maryland chapter.  Locally, she leads the Howard County Support Group for Children with Type 1 Diabetes.

You left a career in government intelligence in order to found ReMarriage magazine. Why?

I originally had the idea to start this magazine about remarriage and stepfamily living when I remarried almost six years ago. I had envisioned the magazine as my “dream” hobby in my retirement years. I was over 20 years away from retiring, but I kept a journal of ideas for the magazine, and talked about these concepts with friends, family, and others who were on their remarriage journey. It wasn’t until my youngest son was diagnosed with Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes that I started to draft a business plan. I had taken a sabbatical to accompany him to summer camps through his first summer with diabetes; and, to make use of the time, I researched the industry and drafted my plan. I was going to drop the plan in a drawer and go back to my career at the end of the summer upon his return to school. I was back at work for about two weeks, and it became very apparent that I wasn’t earning an A+ as a mom or in my career. I didn’t think I was succeeding at managing his diabetes, being a mom of five, and having my career. Fortunately, I have an extremely supportive husband who encouraged me to grow and discover new purposes.

What fears did you have about making such a big leap and how did you combat them and continue to do your work?

The statistics I researched said that only one in ten start-up magazines succeed. I combated them with a fantastic support network. I have met so many wonderful, supportive people, including advisors, mentors, and life coaches.

What are you most proud of?

I am most proud of my family. And, I am proud that I have been able to make lemonade out of lemons more than once.

 

Tell us about the volunteering you’ve done because of your son.

When my son was diagnosed with Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes, I sought a support group in our county for us. When I learned there wasn’t an active support group for children and their families, I started one. We now have approximately 50 families associated with our group. And, we, as a family, support the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF). Our entire family gets involved in events, such as the walks for the cure and the Orioles dugout club activity. And, I am now a member of the JDRF Board of Directors for the Maryland chapter. One of the best experiences I have had so far is when the parent of a newly diagnosed child calls me looking for support. When a child is diagnosed, it often comes as a total shock and parents receive what feels like a fire hose of information from the medical providers. I LOVE talking with and supporting these parents.

How does your work there affect your confidence and sense of purpose?

It strengthens me and gives me hope. Finding a cure for type 1 diabetes is one of my new purposes in recent years. Before my son’s diagnosis, I knew nothing about this life-threatening disease for which there is no cure. People sometimes confuse it with type 2 diabetes, which can also be life-threatening and fraught with complications. But, fortunately, type 2 diabetes can often be reversed with proper diet and exercise. Type 1 leaves people dependent on insulin via daily shots or a pump for life, or until a cure is found. If you would have told me just over six years ago that I would no longer be an intelligence analyst for the government, become an entrepreneur, publish a magazine, be remarried to a wonderful man with five children total, and that I would become an advocate for finding a cure for Type 1 diabetes, I would have laughed you out of the room. I had been doing what I was doing for a long time. I feel like my whole life is transforming into something even more meaningful than before.

What do you do when none of your smackdowns for your Inner Critic are working?

I seek out friends or turn to some of my favorite books that focus on having confidence, feeling gracious, and being positive.

What keeps you motivated?

I surround myself with positive, motivating people and resources. We recently had a conversation about how it sometimes feels like the work you have to do on yourself never ends. When you’re tired, how do you refresh your energy to continue your journey to self-actualization? I seek out positive support systems, e.g., people, books, and ideas. Transformation and changing old habits and attitudes is very hard work. It is good to find a person who is experiencing similar changes in his or her life so you can support and help each other through the times when you are tired. If you don’t know someone like this, take a walk, look at the stars, listen to music or a CD. Remember the big picture. And, I think about the words of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, “Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure.” (source: Jack Canfield’s “Key to Living the Law of Attraction“)

Flush your fears.

Today’s smackdown for the Inner Critic comes from a reader who sent in this great story:

“I was in the ladies room at work late last night and I heard a woman very sweetly say, ‘Don’t you have to go to the bathroom?’
A little girl responded, ’I'm scared.’
‘What did Miss Eleanor say about being scared of the toilets flushing?’
The girl said, ‘To laugh.’
The toilet flushed.
Mom repeated her questions, ‘Do you need to go to the bathroom?’
And again the girl said, ’I'm scared.’ But then she giggled.

What great advice – laugh at something you are scared of.  It totally makes the thing you’re afraid of less scary and gives you perspective. It’s a shame we forget so many lessons from when we are young.”

Thanks reader, for a great story. The next time I’m afraid of something, I’m going to think of a toilet flushing and laugh!