Ask your ghosts what they need.

In the television show the Ghost Whisperer, Jennifer Love Hewitt’s character Melinda Gordon can see ghosts. She knows that if she helps determine what they need in order to let go of the earthly realm, they can finally make their way into the light and stop making trouble for the living. I’m always a sucker for a good ghost story, but when the ghosts of our past haunt us, that’s not a fun campfire story, that’s a tragedy.

Today, consider your ghosts. Why are they still hanging around? What do they need from you in order to fade into the ether where they belong?

Either/Or vs. Both/And

The Inner Critic is a big fan of either/or. “Either you figure out your entire life right now, or you’re going to flush all your talents down the toilet.” “Either you force a solution to that problem you’ve been avoiding this instant, or it will snowball into hell.”

Your wiser, kinder gut, on the other hand, likes both/and. “I am both relaxing and giving my subconscious time to figure out the best solution.” “I am both deciding what I want in life and leaving my options open so I can see opportunities when they appear.”

Try thinking in both/and today and see what goodies you come up with.

Is creativity dangerous?

Are you afraid of what you feel put on this earth to do? Check out this talk by writer Elizabeth Gilbert the author of Eat, Pray, Love.

An odd way to listen to your gut

I was sitting around this morning, and my mind wandered off. I started thinking about a friend of mine and where he’s at in his life, and I kept thinking at him, “You’re reverting.”

Then I blinked and realized that I was sitting there indulging in my very old habit of picking at my split ends, avoiding printing out my submission to a writing contest, and in fact, not writing this blog post. I was reverting.

I’ve been watching this process for years. Over and over, when I catch myself sort of scripting conversations with people in my head, more often than not I can find something in the conversation that I’m trying to say to myself.

I automatically leaped to the conclusion that when I’m judging others my Inner Critic is trying to judge me, because that makes sense, right? Except that’s not what’s happening. Yes, it feels incredibly good to stop judging other people, and the blink is valuable just for that. But for some reason, my gut also uses those false conversations to get through to me. And my gut isn’t judging me, just adjusting me, to put me back on the path I choose instead of my default.

I don’t understand why this mercurial messaging system works the way it does, but it has so many times, I’ve learned to really inspect what I’m thinking about other people. Watch your thoughts for a while and see if it works the same way for you.

Put a sheet over your distractions.

This smackdown for the Inner Scatter-Brain is courtesy of a participant in the S.M.A.C.K. Your Inner Critic workshop this past weekend. Put a sheet over the things that distract you so you can keep your focus on whatever task you’ve decided to complete. Even if you don’t put an actual sheet over things you want to put aside for now, you can use that visual as a meditation to focus your mind on tuning out the million other things you could be doing while you work on your creative project, business plan, job search, menu for the week, or whatever that one thing is you want to accomplish but keep putting off.

The luggage you successfully lost.

Today, take five minutes to sit down and look over your past. What you’re looking for is a Very Bad Thing that you truly thought you would never get over… but you did. Maybe it was a broken heart, maybe it was a backstabber at a job, maybe it was a whole job that you were chained to for years… but you are so over it, you have to sit and make yourself remember it because you never think about it at all now.

The Inner Critic is immediately going to counter with everything you haven’t gotten over, like an insult you received two years ago or a gaff you made in fifth grade. Steer your mind back to the Very Bad Thing you did get over. That’s your proof positive that everything, everything, passes with enough time.

Who will serve as witnesses to your dreams?

This weekend I am teaching the first S.M.A.C.K. Your Inner Critic Workshopand I am thrilled! The work we’re going to be doing is so powerful that I know I will come away from this experience with lots of ammo for my Inner Critic, which frankly, I need right now. February in Minnesota is always the toughest month to get through. In fact my brother and I used to throw Don’t Commit Suicide Parties every February simply to help ourselves and our friends get through the shortest month that feels like the longest.

Some of what we’re doing in the workshop is based on work I’ve been doing with a couple of my pals for the past six years. Every year two of my girlfriends and I gather for an annual visioning summit to spend time working on our professional and personal goals for the future. First we fill each other in on what’s happened in the past year. Then we close our eyes and imagine what we want our lives to look like. Sometimes we choose specific parts to visualize: a relationship, a family, a book deal, for instance. The year I set the goal of living a writer’s life, I imagined how my office would look once I had already achieved everything I set out to. I saw the color of the paint, the awards on the wall, a copy of the New York Times bestseller list with my name on it.

After we finish playing in our imaginations, we spend time mapping out the steps we need to take in order to make the vision we saw reality. When I closed my eyes and saw my name on the cover of a book for stepmoms, for instance, I had to start listing all the action items I would need to take in order to actually publish that book, find an agent and interview stepmoms, for instance. I had to write down the things I needed to do to give me the energy and courage to start and finish such a project: exercise, time reading good books, and emotional support from friends. We then brainstorm ideas to help our fellow visioning mates achieve their goals.

All three of us have made giant strides in creating the lives we want to live. (A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom has won two awards!) And it’s amazing to look back and see that the  roadmaps we’ve constructed have actually led to the places we envisioned or to destinations even more rich than we could have ever dreamed. And we did it while eating delicious food, talking, and laughing.

Here’s the SMACK for today. Find one or several other like-minded people who are all working toward creating a more fulfilling life. Set up a time to meet weekly or every other week to check in with each other. First tell the group what you want to have accomplished by the next meeting. Then review the goals you set from last time. Report in about whether you achieved them or not and any challenges or triumphs you encountered.

This is important: Make sure that your witnesses are supportive of your successes. Sometimes success creates insecurity and self-loathing in other people that they take out on you. Choose your companions carefully because having witnesses to your dreams can help move you to action.

No drama.

Today, you have no time for drama. Seriously. Not one second for it. You know what drama feels like, too. So if it comes calling, just wave it away. Your mantra is, “I do not have time for this crapola, people!”

Create your own smackdowns.

Make a list of fifty things you love to do. Right now. Once you’ve completed your list you’ve got fifty ways to combat your Inner Critic that are uniquely suited just for you. Seriously, start writing as soon as you finish reading this post. Then make sure you do one of your smackdowns today.

Holding on to your breakthroughs.

You’ve had a breakthrough. Something has changed in you and your perspective and your life, and you hope that it’s for forever, so you want to hold on to it. You want to hold on to that feeling because you know that some critic, outer or inner, is going to descend on you, trying to convince you that your breakthrough was just fairy dust. It wasn’t real and it won’t last.

You know you can’t hold on forever, because we live to change. But you can identify little touchstones from a breakthrough and sprinkle them through your life for a little while. A touchstone can be something someone said, or a thought you had, or a visual detail from the event. As for the sprinkling, technology is amazingly helpful for this. Maybe your touchstone was in a text you received or sent, which you can save, or you can write your touchstone in a text and save it as a draft for yourself. You can re-program your greeting message on your phone (not your outgoing voicemail message, but the text that you read on your phone when you first turn it on), and include your touchstone. You can leave voicemails for yourself, or write notes and put them up around your house. You can put your touchstone in your Facebook status, too.

You never know what the lifespan of a touchstone will be; when it stops singing to you, just change it to something else. But while they’re still alive and singing, make sure you take one concrete action to carry through that breakthrough, too. Change your To-Do list to include any new activities your breakthrough has inspired you to do; then do one. Take another step down the path, and another. The more steps you take, the less you’ll need the touchstone.