Robinson Crusoe

Escapist fantasies are in high demand these days. The next time you imagine disappearing into happy isolation from the crappy, Inner Critic-ridden world, take a closer look at your dreamscape. How much of the bliss is actually coming from the end of the story, the imagined reunion with the people you love, in a better time with everyone in a better mood?

Skip the isolation and make that world real now. Set up an event that changes their moods and their minds, as well as yours

Surprise endings.

Last night I watched a movie I knew by heart. Even though I’d never seen it before I knew exactly what was going to happen in each scene. By the end I was bored and frustrated with the writers and director.

And yet in my life when I don’t know what’s going to happen, I freak out. My Inner Critic screams loud with fear. I try to control the people and events in my life. Even when I think I know what’s going to happen next, I don’t necessarily. The mystery remains intact from day to day as I continue to walk the shifting sands of my life. And thank goodness! Today, raise a glass to the great mystery. And when something unexpected happens–good or bad–celebrate the arrival of a new experience.

Natural remedies.

Stand in a stiff wind and let the feel of the breeze play along your skin. Hear the roar of the moving air in your ears. Imagine your doubt your worries and your fear at not being good enough flying away with the wind.

SMACK Success Story: Clare Gailey

I’ve been low on ideas for blog posts lately, and I just pin-pointed why: the Inner Critic hasn’t been around. For days.
So I figured I’d write my own little success story of what daily life feels like without General Zod around.

You have So. Much. Time.
You’re doing more than you’ve ever done, but you never feel rushed. If you schedule a task and then real time doesn’t allow it to happen, you can immediately see another chunk of time when you can get it done.
If something doesn’t happen today, you rest, knowing that it’ll happen tomorrow or next week. You never feel like you’re sacrificing anything you love.

You are supremely adaptable.
Whether you’re alone or with friends or with strangers, or flowing between all three, you have no worries or anxiety, no matter what your old fears used to be. You never feel like you need to escape.

Your digestive system works better.

You may still have a “big” problem or two, but they aren’t scary anymore.
In fact, they hardly feel like problems, because you see so many options for taking action to solve them. All those options fall into an easy line of baby steps. You know what to do and when to do it, and if now isn’t the right time for it, you don’t think about it. I just had to give up sugar, which scared the hell out of me: but now all the necessary adjustments feel like a game of strategy. It really, in all honesty, feels fun.

You still have moods, but you can always identify what caused the moods: something you ate, or not stretching out in the morning, or just an old mental habit. Usually I get in a bad mood when I’m people-pleasing.

You don’t feel fundamentally guilty about anything.
You’ve lived with doubting yourself for so long, you now trust that you are not a jerk, which means you don’t have to be such a people pleaser anymore. You allow other people to be more flexible instead of you bending over backward all the time.
If you slip up, you apologize. If the other person is still upset, you give them time and space, and you don’t worry about it in the meantime.
And if you slip up with yourself, if you have ice cream on a no-sugar diet, for example, you don’t worry about it. You live through the sugar hangover the next day, and the next day you don’t cheat. It never even occurs to you to beat yourself up, because it’s so obvious that you’re human and that’s what we do.

Superlatives are GONE.
There is no such thing as “He is the best man I have ever met or will ever meet.” There is no such thing as “best” anything, which relieves the pressure (for everybody) to live up to impossible standards or hold on to things and people.

Jealousy is GONE.
Somebody’s got something you want? Then you’re thrilled to know that you can learn how to be that way or have that, too.

And you’re thrilled to be a beginner.
In fact, you’re so happy to be a beginner, you seek it out, even within disciplines you’ve been mastering for years. Being a beginner keeps every minute of the day fresh and beckoning. If your brain ever starts to spiral, you have a zillion other, better things to think about: the little baby step problems you need to solve to play a harmonica, maybe, or to cook four meals in less than five hours.

***

I caught myself thinking of this phase as a state of grace, but it isn’t. I earned this through years of effort and struggle with the Inner Critic. Instead of assuming that this phase will eventually end, I’m assuming that it won’t. I might temporarily forget, but this is my new ground state, to which I will always return, whenever I want. WAHOOOOO!!!

Experience other people’s vision.

This is another S.M.A.C.K. on the theme of interpretation. I stumbled across Dido’s website for her latest album Safe Trip Home. And to accompany the release of the music, she commissioned film directors from all over the world to make short films based on her songs. You can see the finished films here. What I love about this is that Dido gave her music to eleven other artists who then translated her vision into their own experience. There are many ways to use this idea to quiet the Inner Critic when it tries to keep you down.

• When you are in need of a new perspective to jolt you out of a funk, fill your senses with other people’s work–films, novels, essays, music, visual or performance art.
• If you’re at a crossroads and don’t know which way to go, poll your friends, family, and coworkers to find out what they think you should do. See if any of their ideas excite you.
• If you’re lost, talk to a friend who has been through what you’re experiencing. She might have insights that can make your life easier.

Open to Interpretation.

There is nothing like art to remind you of life’s most basic lessons. I attended a performance by Tu Dance company called Veneers choreographed by Uri Sands. The last scene of the the work is particularly powerful. A woman stands alone at the front of the stage doing repetitive movements that speed up throughout this portion of the dance until the beautiful woman looks absolutely frantic. She pulls her hair out of her tight dancer’s bun and the faster she goes the more disheveled she becomes. Still, she repeats the movements. Over and over again. A group of six or so other dancers march in a line past her to the back of the stage. They are beating bouquets of flowers over their shoulders and the petals litter the stage. At the end, the woman’s movement stops when she drops her head into her hands in what feels like despair. 

After the performance, when my friend and I compared notes we found that we had each interpreted the scene very differently. I had watched the dancers beating themselves with flowers and thought self-flagellation. I’d seen this woman falling apart after moving through the same motions again and again. She refused to give up and moved faster even at the cost of herself. She never stopped to realize how beautiful she was because she was so frantic to keep moving. For me it was the Inner Critic come to life in visual art. By the end I had tears streaming down my face.

My friend saw a woman falling apart all alone at the front of the stage with no one to help her. All of the dancer’s marching by with their flowers ignored the woman’s plight. She was alone.

Both of our versions were correct. And I’m sure there were many more versions that other audience members saw that night. This makes me think of two ways to S.M.A.C.K. that damn beast of an Inner Critic that holds us back.  First, it’s comforting to know that your way is not the only way. The way you see something might not be correct. And it is certainly not the way others see it. (This includes how you see yourself.) Second, If you’re working on a project that is dear to your heart but you hear critiques of your work that hurt you are that you don’t agree with, remember that every person who looks at your work will see it through the lens of their own life experiences. Continue working. Learn how to trust your instincts. Be open to learning something. Change things when you hear the same comment more than once. Stand firm when you’re working to express your own version of events.

Flash Forward

How do you get friendly with your future self?

This seems to run totally contrary to the goal of Living in the Now, but if you’ve got to make what feels like a giant sacrifice or get over a disappointment, the Inner Critic will be so focused on the negatives of Now that you have to find a way to sidestep it. Kind of time travel around it.

The first thing that occurs to me is to allow my future self not to explain anything. It seems like half the torment that comes with a big change is having to explain it to the people around you, from friends to strangers. Instant aggravation! Rationalizing, justifying, a choice is 99 times out of 100, the territory of General Zod. So my future self isn’t going to say Jack if she doesn’t want to

Find the always.

I finished reading The Elegance of the Hedgehogby Muriel Baybery two days after we buried my stepgrandmother. The story is narrated by two wonderful characters, one a 12-year-old girl and one a 50-something woman. One of the thoughts that struck me was this: Find the always within the never. I don’t want to spoil the book for you if you plan to read it so I’ll simply say this: When something difficult happens and you are within your deepest despair from which you will never recover, there is always beauty within the experience somewhere.

The Inner Critic is banned from narration.

Consider this:

What you might think is your greatest flaw might be exactly what leads to your greatest success…. Tell *that* story to yourself for a while!

Fatigue and the Inner Critic

Sometimes when I approach the desk to write I feel a sense of fatigue overcome me as the computer boots up. Even though only moments before I was energetic and looking forward to time at the desk, once the blank page beckons I feel tired.

Do you feel tired every time you sit down to work on a project you’ve always wanted to do? Does your body feel energetic most of the time but weighted down when you begin making moves toward a dream? Push through! That momentary fatigue is often that pesky Inner Critic doing its work to keep you down. Usually what you’ll find is if you keep going and push through the tiredness very soon you’ll feel the energy returning to your body.

Remember you don’t have to perform perfectly while you’re combating fatigue. Instead, put one foot in front of the other, calmly, purposefully and you’ll outmove the Inner Critic by proving you’re too stubborn to stop.