Green means go.

When you know you want to create change in your life, how do you quit talking about it and move into action? Instead of constantly not doing what you say you want to do and feeling ashamed about it, how do you press “Go!” This question is very near and dear to me right now because my daughter is now 8 months old and I have been talking about losing the extra 15 pounds I’m carrying around for almost that entire time. My husband has also gained an extra 15 pounds. He says he did it to make me feel better – What a guy!

Last night we were talking about how we need to get back into the healthy lifestyle we used to live that included eating more in line with Mark Hyman’s Ultrametabolism plan that I originally learned from Dr. Hyman at the Canyon Ranch in Lenox, Massachusetts and that he has gone on to document in his bestselling books. Our old lifestyle included exercise every day, yoga three times a week, and weight lifting with a trainer.

Now, it is challenging for me to get my butt off the couch to walk downstairs to fire up the treadmill even with my Inner Critic beating me to a pulp. Why? Because I have not turned on the green light yet. My husband maintains that as soon as he “gets back into it” he’ll easily take the weight off. But how do you “get back into it?” And if you’ve never lived a healthy lifestyle, how do you start it in the first place?

When I needed to lose 100 pounds, I pushed the green light with revenge as my motivation. Now I don’t think revenge is the best way to motivate yourself, but hey, it worked. I wanted to walk into a room of people I used to know with a new body and laugh as they tried to be my friend. It was a powerful way to stay focused, even though it had a negative cast.

But now? I don’t want to get back at anyone for hurting my feelings. I gained those 15 pounds while growing my baby girl. So, dear readers, I need your help!! What do you do to push “Go!”?

Sell yourself to yourself.

We’re looking for a new car right now so I’ve met several car salespeople recently.  Because there is a stereotype that car salespeople are pushy, I walk into the dealerships ready for a fight. I admit it. But yesterday I met James. He was low key and pleasant. As we looked at *gasp* a minivan to fit our family of six, we pointed out everything that was wrong with the car. His response was the same in every instance.

“Yes, you’re right. That’s a downside.” He would agree with us and then he would gently counter us with a reminder of the positive. “But it has the best mileage in its class.”

I bet we can win our battles against the Inner Critic with the same tactic. Agree gently, to keep the beast calm. Then counter with the upsides again and again.

“Yes, you have put off that project for a month now. But look! Today you’re sitting down at the desk to work! Yay!”

“Sure, you haven’t cleaned the house in a week, but hey, everyone is fed, happy and healthy.”

“Sure you lost your job in this sucky economy, but have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re hot! You’ll get a new one in no time!”

This week, take after James and sell yourself to yourself.

Wear comfortable shoes.

A dear friend of mine is a gifted reflexology practitioner. Recently she worked on my feet and it was by turns wonderful and excruciatingly painful. She said the painful areas were the places in my body where I was storing stuck emotions: anger, fear, betrayal. She reminded me that our feet are our foundation. They keep us connected to the earth. We require them to carry our weight day after day. It’s really crucial that we take care of them in return.

Buy comfortable shoes, schedule a pedicure or a foot massage. And avoid wearing shoes that distort your body and produce needless pain.

Who will serve as witnesses to your dreams?

This weekend I am teaching the first S.M.A.C.K. Your Inner Critic Workshopand I am thrilled! The work we’re going to be doing is so powerful that I know I will come away from this experience with lots of ammo for my Inner Critic, which frankly, I need right now. February in Minnesota is always the toughest month to get through. In fact my brother and I used to throw Don’t Commit Suicide Parties every February simply to help ourselves and our friends get through the shortest month that feels like the longest.

Some of what we’re doing in the workshop is based on work I’ve been doing with a couple of my pals for the past six years. Every year two of my girlfriends and I gather for an annual visioning summit to spend time working on our professional and personal goals for the future. First we fill each other in on what’s happened in the past year. Then we close our eyes and imagine what we want our lives to look like. Sometimes we choose specific parts to visualize: a relationship, a family, a book deal, for instance. The year I set the goal of living a writer’s life, I imagined how my office would look once I had already achieved everything I set out to. I saw the color of the paint, the awards on the wall, a copy of the New York Times bestseller list with my name on it.

After we finish playing in our imaginations, we spend time mapping out the steps we need to take in order to make the vision we saw reality. When I closed my eyes and saw my name on the cover of a book for stepmoms, for instance, I had to start listing all the action items I would need to take in order to actually publish that book, find an agent and interview stepmoms, for instance. I had to write down the things I needed to do to give me the energy and courage to start and finish such a project: exercise, time reading good books, and emotional support from friends. We then brainstorm ideas to help our fellow visioning mates achieve their goals.

All three of us have made giant strides in creating the lives we want to live. (A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom has won two awards!) And it’s amazing to look back and see that the  roadmaps we’ve constructed have actually led to the places we envisioned or to destinations even more rich than we could have ever dreamed. And we did it while eating delicious food, talking, and laughing.

Here’s the SMACK for today. Find one or several other like-minded people who are all working toward creating a more fulfilling life. Set up a time to meet weekly or every other week to check in with each other. First tell the group what you want to have accomplished by the next meeting. Then review the goals you set from last time. Report in about whether you achieved them or not and any challenges or triumphs you encountered.

This is important: Make sure that your witnesses are supportive of your successes. Sometimes success creates insecurity and self-loathing in other people that they take out on you. Choose your companions carefully because having witnesses to your dreams can help move you to action.

Ixnay the setback cycle.

“I need a smackdown that deals with setbacks. My inner critic goes into overdrive with the ‘You should have done X by now’ … and then moves into cycle of regret for lost time. For instance, having lost some weight, then losing ground, and then having to lose the same weight again.”

I know exactly where the reader who sent in this comment is coming from. What a great way for the Inner Critic to beat us down! The “By now you should have…” refrain is one I hear a lot from my inner bad guys. About my career, about how much money I have saved, about weight loss, etc. etc. etc.

But consider this: What if you let go of the shoulds? What if you used the energy that the Inner Critic is taking advantage of to beat you to a pulp and focus it instead on what you’ve done right? Accepting where and who you are right now in this moment has tremendous power.

No, I haven’t lost the “baby weight” which can no longer be fairly called baby weight. But I can still admire the beauty and strength of my magnificent body. Every day it moves where I want it to move, lifts the baby, and hugs my husband. I SHOULD have lost the weight by now. But I haven’t. BFD. There’s always tomorrow. Right?!

No, I haven’t published my fiction yet, which I SHOULD have done long ago because that’s all I’ve ever wanted and now I’m nearly 40 and I SHOULD have done so much more by now…

But I’ve continued to write. I’ve practiced. I’ve learned from other writers. And someday my fiction will be published. When the time is right.

Consider this yogic thought: Yesterday is extinct. Tomorrow doesn’t exist. All you have is right now. What do you want to be doing right now this minute? Worrying or loving? Beating yourself up or smiling?

Take a quiz.

Answer these questions:

• What is hidden in you that you wish you could show?
• What are your favorite body parts?
• What do you think of people who seem deeply happy?
• How would people you don’t get along with describe you?
• When in your life have you been the most happy?

 

Get fancy.

Billy Crystal’s character Fernando on Saturday Night Live said the famous words: “It’s better to look good than to feel good.” But Fernando left out the fact that when you look good, it often makes you feel good. So today, get sassy, fancy, frilly, handsome, dolled up, or glammed up. Put on your holiday best and strut your stuff. If you’re a country music fan and have it on hand blast the Inner Critic with Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble by Mac Davis and sing the lyrics:

Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way.
I can’t wait to look in the mirror ’cause I get better lookin’ each day!

There is no try, only do.

Yoda was on to something when he blasted Luke Skywalker for saying he’d try to lift his fighter plane out of the swamp by using the Force. When you say you’re going to try to avoid unhealthy foods, try to get in for a makeover that will help you feel good about yourself or try to accept yourself for who you are, you are not committing to act. If you simply do the action you’re talking about, there is no need for discussion with the Inner Critic. As Yoda said, “Do or do not…there is no try.”

Green means go.

When you know you want to create change in your life, how do you quit talking about it and move into action? Instead of constantly not doing what you say you want to do and feeling ashamed about it, how do you press “Go!” This question is very near and dear to me right now because my daughter is now 8 months old and I have been talking about losing the extra 15 pounds I’m carrying around for almost that entire time. My husband has also gained an extra 15 pounds. He says he did it to make me feel better – What a guy!

Last night we were talking about how we need to get back into the healthy lifestyle we used to live that included eating more in line with Mark Hyman’s Ultrametabolism plan that I originally learned from Dr. Hyman at the Canyon Ranch in Lenox, Massachusetts and that he has gone on to document in his bestselling books. Our old lifestyle included exercise every day, yoga three times a week, and weight lifting with a trainer.

Now, it is challenging for me to get my butt off the couch to walk downstairs to fire up the treadmill even with my Inner Critic beating me to a pulp. Why? Because I have not turned on the green light yet. My husband maintains that as soon as he “gets back into it” he’ll easily take the weight off. But how do you “get back into it?” And if you’ve never lived a healthy lifestyle, how do you start it in the first place?

When I needed to lose 100 pounds, I pushed the green light with revenge as my motivation. Now I don’t think revenge is the best way to motivate yourself, but hey, it worked. I wanted to walk into a room of people I used to know with a new body and laugh as they tried to be my friend. It was a powerful way to stay focused, even though it had a negative cast.

But now? I don’t want to get back at anyone for hurting my feelings. I gained those 15 pounds while growing my baby girl. So, dear readers, I need your help!! What do you do to push “Go!”?

Use Your Body to Heal

Use your body today in a creative way. Dance. Do yoga. Breathe with your entire body. Stretch to your four corners. Yawn as loud as you can. See if you can touch the ceiling and the floor. Balance on your tippy toes.