Giving It Exactly the Respect It Deserves

Two things tend to happen when the Inner Critic has been lying low: either you keep being happy, or you start looking for it to invite back in. Or of course, the Inner Critic reappears, seemingly without your invitation at all.

Imagine dealing with a vampire who has stepped into your house. Either you can scream and try to run, so tense that you’re practically guaranteed to get caught; or you can keep doing whatever you were doing, maybe brushing your teeth, and casually wave some garlic at it.

In other words, if you find yourself dealing with the Inner Critic again, the more you treat it as a powerful threat, the more powerful it will be.

(The New York Times has an article about the imp of the perverse… and how the more you try not to think of something, the more you think of it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/07/health/07mind.html?th&emc=th)

Instead, greet the Inner Critic with “Oh, you again. Whatever.” and get on with your business. Don’t bother trying to shut it up; just don’t listen to it.

Robinson Crusoe

Escapist fantasies are in high demand these days. The next time you imagine disappearing into happy isolation from the crappy, Inner Critic-ridden world, take a closer look at your dreamscape. How much of the bliss is actually coming from the end of the story, the imagined reunion with the people you love, in a better time with everyone in a better mood?

Skip the isolation and make that world real now. Set up an event that changes their moods and their minds, as well as yours

The Inner Critic’s Inner Pocket

Nothing like voice lessons, or any activity that involves intensive body awareness, to make you aware of old Inner Critic tactics you never noticed before…

I’ve always had plenty of jaw tension, and I knew that would be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome for a great voice. Over the past few weeks I’ve been consciously walking around with my jaw dropped and back (as opposed to just slack, although I still kinda feel like a village idiot) to practice relaxing it.

And I discovered that for some reason, it’s hard for me to feel happy with my mouth open. When I’m blissed out, the drawbridge is up. And as soon as I drop the drawbridge, the first hundred thoughts that occur to me are all complaints and fears and griefs. Clearly my Inner Critic has been hiding poison in my jaw, to be released slowly into my bloodstream and soul at a slow and devastating pace.

As usual, what works is to acknowledge whatever moaning and whinging my Inner Critic feels like doing, but to keep my jaw loose so that as I get bored with the Critic and start to bliss out again, I’m practicing happiness with a loose jaw.

Give it a try: practice being blissed out with your mouth open and see if you have the same problem….

Unwinding Time Management

Oh that mythical hour to do *nothing* in. (Not the hour you work with your passion; the hour when you don’t work at all.) How many times have you tried to review your days and slice out an hour to meditate or have a cup of tea and just relax? How many times have you failed to carve out that hour, and then the Inner Critic chastises you for not being able to be good to yourself?

For me, my happiest, most buoyant days aren’t the ones where I got a whole hour to be unproductive. They’re the ones when I took a lot of very tiny breaks, scattered through the day, but on each break I really let go completely. Ten minutes on the subway, three minutes during one of my favorite songs in a cafe, five minutes waiting for a friend to arrive at the restaurant, two minutes in bed before sacking out.

Try it today. Instead of making an hour your goal, make five short breaks your goal instead and see how you feel at the end of the day.

Be a lover, not an addict.

Here are some classic signs of addiction:

When you have the substance, you feel happy and you love life.

Without the substance, life feels flat and dull.

Without the substance, you feel flat and dull.

When you have the substance, you don’t feel completely fulfilled. You’re always left wanting more.

You think about the substance a lot.

Your productivity is suffering because you’re thinking about the substance so much.

Your friends and family think you’ve changed.

Your friends and family don’t understand.

You need the substance.

You would do anything to get the substance.

 

Now, for the phrase “the substance,” substitute “him” or “her.”

 

Before you can open yourself for real love, you have to know what love isn’t. If you’re hooked on somebody, thank the universe for this opportunity. Every time you see that person, every time the cycle of neediness begins, you get to practice flushing that person out of your system. Just pretend you’re never going to see them again. The more you practice imagining what your life is like without them, the more you’ll be able to see how you can be happy, without them.

Give up on having the perfect body.

So you’re setting goals for yourself and –

“I know what your ultimate goal is!” says the Inner Critic. “You want to have the perfect body!”

Listen, if that’s your goal, give up now. But give up for the right reason. You’re not giving up because having the perfect body is impossible. You’re giving up because the perfect body does not guarantee a perfect life.

“No!” the Inner Ugly whines. “Beautiful people have it made! They get everything they want!”

If you’re beautiful, then you’re happy all the time: it’s one of the oldest advertising pitches in the world.

The truth is, if you’re used to seeing what’s wrong with you, you will keep looking for what’s wrong with you, no matter what. If you’re in the habit of worrying, you’ll keep worrying. If you’re in the habit of hating your life, you will keep on hating your life.

So give up. Announce it to the world: I am not going to have a perfect body! Now wipe some imaginary sweat from your brow and blow a big old raspberry at your stupid Inner Critic.

You’re already rich.

Psst. Don’t tell the Secretary of the Treasury this, but it’s easy to be happy on a low budget!

Just dig out your favorite CD, turn out all the lights, and sit and listen.

Make sure you’re listening to the music, by the way, not to your Inner Critic or the To Do List you keep on mental tape or a conversation you’re planning to have later on. If you bring your mind back to the music, you’ll hear a thousand nuances that you never noticed before. You’ve probably been tossing that CD on as a background soundtrack while you do other things, but it deserves better and so do you.

The truth is, most of us already own so many things that can make us happy, we can go a while without buying more. Mr. Secretary, take your recession and stick it in your ear!

Smackdown for the Smackdowns?

Wow, the New York Times scored two great articles in one day!

The second-one is an op-ed by Barbara Ehrenreich about how naive American optimism must share the blame for the failed economy:

New York Times

Our smackdowns are all about positive thinking, aren’t they? Aren’t we trying to smack down our negative voices?

Yes, but we’re not trying to kill them off. I stand by my Inner Critic; resisting it has been the single best Education in Everything that I’ve ever received. If I’d never had the Inner Critic, who would I be? What would I know?

My sneaky suspicion is that without an Inner Critic I’d be a steamroller from hell, very much the same kind of personality that came up with those “financial instruments” and ran with them until the ball dropped…

I’m not encouraging naive, blind optimism. I’m encouraging well-schooled and hard-won optimism, eyes wide open. So take a second to thank your Inner Critic for existing; you’ll probably shock it into silence and give yourself a little vacation from it.

The Happy Dance Smackdown

Yay! Smackdown. Watch this when you’re feeling blue.