Sell yourself to yourself.

We’re looking for a new car right now so I’ve met several car salespeople recently.  Because there is a stereotype that car salespeople are pushy, I walk into the dealerships ready for a fight. I admit it. But yesterday I met James. He was low key and pleasant. As we looked at *gasp* a minivan to fit our family of six, we pointed out everything that was wrong with the car. His response was the same in every instance.

“Yes, you’re right. That’s a downside.” He would agree with us and then he would gently counter us with a reminder of the positive. “But it has the best mileage in its class.”

I bet we can win our battles against the Inner Critic with the same tactic. Agree gently, to keep the beast calm. Then counter with the upsides again and again.

“Yes, you have put off that project for a month now. But look! Today you’re sitting down at the desk to work! Yay!”

“Sure, you haven’t cleaned the house in a week, but hey, everyone is fed, happy and healthy.”

“Sure you lost your job in this sucky economy, but have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re hot! You’ll get a new one in no time!”

This week, take after James and sell yourself to yourself.

Smackdown Your Inner Critic Workshop Announcement

Dear friends:

I have an important announcement regarding the upcoming workshop I’ve created: Smackdown Your Inner Critic and Live the Life of Your Dreams.

Due to the state of the economy I have decided to reduce the fee of the workshop by half. Instead of $495 for the two-day intensive workshop, the fee is now $250. If you have lost your job, I would like to offer the workshop to you for $100. 

For those of you who have already paid for the workshop, you will receive a refund for the amount you overpaid.

Why? Because I feel that I must do what I can to help during this rough transitional time.

The Smackdown Your Inner Critic and Live the Life of Your Dreams Workshop is for you if:

• You have a dream but your Inner Critic keeps you from doing it.
• You desire a life that balances inspiring work, deep friendships, and a loving partnership.
• There’s something you’ve always wanted to do but have been too afraid to try in your personal or professional life.
• You want to create a fulfilling and inspiring career.
• You want to find ways to make money that allow you more time with your loved ones.
• You have graduated or lost a job and don’t know what to do next.
• You’re dissatisfied with your body, your job, or your relationships and you don’t know how to create change.
• You want to develop a greater sense of self-confidence and ease.

Upcoming workshop dates are: 

February 21 and 22

Or

March 21 and 22

OR

April 25 and 26

What do you get for $250?
In addition to the two-day in-depth workshop you will receive:

• A FREE one-on-one personal telephone conference with me to discuss the particulars of your situation. As a personal development coach I will help you apply the techniques you learn in the workshop to your life in specific, actionable ways. Valued at: $150.00
• A 10% discount on future one-on-one personal development coaching. Valued at: up to $1,080
• Two FREE follow-up email consultations to ensure you are well on your way to creating the life of your dreams. Valued at: $60
• The Smackdown Your Inner Critic and Live the Life of Your Dreams Workbook. Valued at: $29.95

Find out more at: http://101smackdowns.wordpress.com/the-workshop/ If you’d like to reserve a spot, email me or call 612-618-4330.
 
I would be grateful if you would pass this link along to anyone you think might be interested.

Best wishes,
Jacque

Managing the Inner Critic: Part Two

The techniques for knocking out your Inner Critic come in five categories. So if you’re battling the brutal voice of the Inner Critic every morning with your coffee as you look for a job, or procrastinate on your thesis, or continue to believe that you are not worthy of love, try a smackdown from each category every week. (Or every day if need be!)

Kindness. Kill the Inner Critic with kindness. Make sure self-care is a part of your daily routine, even if it’s just ten deep breaths before you walk out the door in the morning. When you allow yourself pleasureable experiences, you are showing the Inner Critic that you respect and love yourself. There is no room for brutality from the Inner Critic when you are feeling good.

Surprise. Keep the Inner Critic on its toes by doing new things. Try something silly like painting a tree in your garage or something scary that takes you outside your comfort zone.

Knowledge. Coming up with new ways to motivate yourself, to combat fear, and to create a life on purpose requires that you deeply know yourself. You need to know what your core values are, your passions, what things embarrass you, and how you light a fire in your belly that can help you go after a goal even when it’s difficult.

Faith. In order to really beat the Inner Critic, it’s important that you have faith in yourself. Faith that you are worthy of the life you want and belief that you can do it. This category also includes having faith in something bigger than yourself – God, your higher power, or your reason for being.

Action. The Inner Critic hates it when you actually do something to move toward your dreams. And it will put up a fight, but if you are proving your intentions to create the life you want by moving toward it with action, then you’re really on your way! Every time you say, “Yes! I did that!” the Inner Critic goes to sit in time out.

The art of smacking down your Inner Critic is really about trial and error. When your Inner Critic wises up to a particular technique so it won’t work for you anymore, your job is to come up with new ways to engage yourself in actively creating the life you want. It’s a lifelong process. But the rewards are a life lived with intention and presence. This is our chance!

Managing the Inner Critic after you’ve lost your job.

In the last few days I have been in touch with many friends and readers of this blog who have lost their jobs. While having lunch with an extremely talented friend who was laid off from a job she loved, she described how the Inner Critic had more power over her than ever before. With every emailed resume she didn’t get a response to and every minute she waited for the phone to ring, the Inner Critic leapt into the communication void to whisper in her ear.

Do any of these phrases sound familiar? “You don’t have the right experience. You’re too old! You suck at interviews! You’ll never find a job! You’re not talented enough to get a job in this tight economic market!”

If you’ve lost your job, or are a freelancer like me and have to create jobs on a daily basis for a living, then we must battle that Inner Critic minute-by-minute. My Dad always use to say, “It’s easier to change lanes when you’re in the traffic than when you’re stopped at the side of the road.” True. But what if you are stopped on the side of the road by forces outside your control? Here are some things I’ve been stewing on lately.

Get dressed. I’ve written about this one before, but it’s so important. Put on the clothes you would wear to work so you’ll feel more confident. If you’re in your pjs or sweats, it’s easy to slip into inaction. Right now? I’m in my pjs. Whoops. One moment please.

Persue every lead. How do you figure out which opportunities to take? I believe it’s my job to put myself out there in as many ways and as often as I can. What comes back to me, is not up to me. So when doors open, I walk through them to see where they lead. Even if it wasn’t necessarily the right thing for me, I always learn some valuable lesson that serves me later in unexpected ways.

Face the worst-case and plan for it. What is the absolute worst thing that can happen? You’ll lose your house? And then what will you do? Lose your car? Then how will you get around? Though your circumstances may change in unpleasant ways, there is always a way through. Sometimes you have to change your career or your attitude, or your living arrangments. But there is always a way.

Be proud of yourself. Make a list of the moments in your life when you have been most proud of yourself. What did you do? What did you achieve? How did you handle a situation? Remember those moments now.

Do something that makes you feel confident. Make another list of moments when you have felt the most confident. What were you wearing? How did you walk? What are you really, really good at?

Find allies. If you have people in your life who take energy from you instead of helping you feel courageous, then ditch those friends or family members for a while. Call up the confident people you know and align yourself with them. Instead of hanging out with people who are scared and in fear spirals, find those who are scared and are rallying themselves for the fight with optimism and hope.

Use this time for self-exploration. Last week on NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams, they ran a story about a 40-year-old woman who was in the financial industry and lost her job. Instead of returning to the same industry, she decided to go to school to become a chef. These stories abound during times like this. But if you view this time as an opportunity, then you will not only survive this turbulent era, you will thrive.

How about you? Let me know how you continue to smackdown your Inner Critic while you hunt for work or have to make a scary transition so we can all benefit! And please remember to do something kind for yourself every single day. This is especially important right now.

Recession Proof

My grandparents survived the Great Depression. They lived and worked on a farm. They knew how to make do. Which in my mind translates to what Susan Jeffers calls in her classic book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, the ability to smackdown fear by knowing you can handle whatever comes your way. In the current turbulent economic times, when financial fear is in the news 24/7, it’s time to bolster ourselves against the negative current washing through our culture.

Try this: Make a list of all the jobs you could do if you had to because you lost your current job and couldn’t find another in your chosen field. What would you do to make do? Then make a list of all the jobs you’ve always wanted to try but never have because your parents told you not to, they didn’t make enough money, or they weren’t grown-up enough.

Smackdown for Layoffs

This September 11th was the first one that felt almost like a normal day to me, when instead of mourning, I noticed that I didn’t need to mourn anymore.

Less than a week later, the American economy collapsed. Wall Street is blamed for the mess, even though most of the companies responsible de-centralized a long time ago, putting their corporate headquarters in New Jersey or in other countries.

Still, the first place that’s seeing big job losses is New York City. It’s Ground Zero all over again. The New York Times, which has not been the most reliable newspaper in the last eight years, at least ran an article today by Louise Story (great name!) showing the faces and stories of some of the people who have been laid off – not the corporate execs, but the “less skilled” workers who made the execs’ lives possible. These people are deeply afraid, as anyone is who gets laid off, and yet they find a way to smack down their fears. A quote from the article follows:

“Religion did help Andy Neff, a 20-year Bear worker. Mr. Neff, a former technology industry analyst, said he often thought about taking a year off to study the Talmud and other Jewish texts. But at the end of good years, he would not want to miss the next good year. And at the end of bad years, he felt too nervous about his finances.

“And so Mr. Neff, now 51 and father of four, says he views what has happened as a blessing. He has become a bit of a folk hero to financial workers since June when he delivered a speech about his experience at the Yeshiva Gedolah of Teaneck, N.J. His talk was posted on several sites and forwarded among Bear workers.

“‘Is this comfortable? No, it’s really not comfortable, it’s disorienting,’ Mr. Neff said in an interview. ‘But I find it unfortunate that people tend to focus on how much they lost. Coming out of every situation, you need to focus on what you have, not on what you lost.’”

If you’re having trouble changing your focus, do it in writing. Write down everything you have, and include your newfound freedom on the list.