Smackdown Success Story: Rosanne Bane – Part One

Rosanne Bane is a creativity coach and author of Dancing in the Dragon’s Den: Rekindling the Creative Fire in Your Shadow. She’s coached writers, artists, musicians, performers and other creative people to move through resistance to achieve their creative dreams. She has taught creative process classes at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis and in the University of Minnesota’s Complete Scholar program. She’s written hundreds of articles in diverse publications and is seeking an agent for her upcoming nonfiction book, Write Anyway: How to Keep Showing Up for Your Writing No Matter What! and her science fiction novels, The Essential Path and Freedom Path. You can visit her website www.RosanneBane.com for more information or email her.

You’re a creativity coach. What does that mean?
It means I’m privileged to have talented writers, artists, musicians, performers, healers and other creative people trust me with their deepest challenges and their greatest joys. When I’m at my best as a coach, I listen empathically and ask questions that give the client an ‘a-ha’ insight into her or his life and creative process. I meet my clients where they are, without judgment, and encourage and support them to get where they want to be as writers and artists. When clients do what they said they were going to do, we celebrate the success and talk about how to stay motivated and keep moving. When clients don’t do what they said they were going to do, I help them recognize their resistance and work with them to develop strategies to overcome that resistance.

How can creativity help combat the Inner Critic?
Creativity is all about facing critics – inner and outer. Criticism is deadly to creativity because it prevents us from acting from our creative brain, our cortex. This is the part of the human brain that can imagine what doesn’t exist yet and make plans to transform dreams into reality. When we self-motivate, when we take action to change the future, we’re drawing on capacities of the cortex.

Criticism causes stress and makes us feel threatened, which switches the cortex offline and turns the limbic brain on. The limbic brain is our instinctual, fight-or-flight brain. The limbic brain doesn’t care about being creative; it just wants to avoid the threat. We regret not being creative or berate ourselves for not being creative, but the truth is, we can’t be creative when the limbic brain is running the show.

Have you ever had clients who have such a strong Inner Critic that they are completely stuck in a particular area of their life?
Yes. I see so many people who want to write or paint or make music or create in some way who spend far too much time thinking about it, talking about it, feeling guilty about it, and never actually doing what they love to do.

The deer-in-the-headlights feeling that so many people get when they sit down to write or create is classic limbic brain response. Mammals always freeze when threatened. Then the limbic brain decides whether to stay and fight or to run away. The urge to leave the desk or the studio, to go do something else, anything else, to sort your sock drawer or check your email or seek answers in the fridge are all variations of the flight response. Forcing yourself to sit there and face the blank screen or the blank canvas is a variation of the fight response. Because it’s part of the fight response, it’s often accompanied by self-criticism or criticizing others. And that criticism coming from the limbic brain’s fight response can be dangerously nasty.

To be able to consistently write or create, you have to learn to relax, which turns the limbic brain off and brings the creative cortex back online. Helping people figure out their own unique way to relax and stay calm in the face of the Inner Critic or an external critic is a big part of my work as an instructor and coach.

Is there hope for people with insanely brutal Inner Critics?
Absolutely.  

How do you help people who can’t see what they are doing to hold themselves back?
I tell my writing students and clients that if they want to write well, they have to be willing to write badly. To write well, you have to write. To write at all, you have to be willing to write badly. It’s true for all forms of creative expression.

You never know, on any given day, whether you’re going to write/create great stuff or produce total and complete garbage. You have to show up anyway. One day you find gold. Another day you just shovel muck. You have to put in a certain number of days shoveling the muck to find the gold. And you never know what you’ll find on any given day: gold or muck. You have to hold the intention that you will write or create something wonderful and at the same time have no expectations or demands that today’s work will be any good at all. Expectations open the door for the Inner Critic. Demands are the language of the Saboteur.

Smackdown Success Story: Rosanne Bane – Part Two

Part Two. Click here to read Part One.

In your book Dancing in the Dragon’s Den, you wrote a lot about the saboteur. How do you know the difference between when you’re sabotaging yourself and when your Inner Critic is actually helping you?
I think the Inner Critic and the Saboteur are pretty much synonymous. I don’t think the Inner Critic is ever helpful. I know the Saboteur never is. The Inner Critic and the Saboteur are the voices of judgment.

My perspective is that every artist must have discernment, but judgment is never useful. Judgment is final: this is good (no need to improve) or this is bad (no possibility of improving). You have to discern what’s working and what options could improve your work.

How does the Inner Critic show up in your life?
My Saboteur is very subtle. The Saboteur always lies and my Saboteur lies by telling partial truths, usually on some variation of ‘This little thing won’t matter.’ For example, “So what if you don’t show up for your writing today, you can always put in extra time tomorrow.” True, I can skip a day without disastrous results and true, I could put in extra time the next day, but the deeper truth is that if I don’t show up on Monday, it’s harder and scarier to show up on Tuesday. Every day I miss makes it harder to come back. Even more significant, if I tell myself I’ll write every day and then I don’t show up one day, I’ve lied to myself. That feeds the Saboteur and makes it stronger. It’s vital that I keep my word to myself.

Has your own Inner Critic ever kept you from doing something that you wish you’d had the courage to do? What?
Yes and no. The Inner Critic/Saboteur has certainly delayed many of my dreams. But I’m not willing to give up, and as long as I keep showing up, taking action and doing what I can to get out of the limbic brain, where the Saboteur seems to thrive, and back to my creative brain, I’m doing okay.

I don’t know why we all have a Saboteur, but we do, so it must have some purpose. Like M. Scott Peck said “Life is hard. It’s supposed to be hard.” The Saboteur makes it harder. Fortunately, I can do hard. I’ve done things I never thought possible and shown myself that I’m capable of so much more than I usually think I am. You’re capable of more than you realize and you can do hard, too.

What are you most proud of yourself for?
Every day I show up for my writing, my self-care commitments (which are currently meditation and working out), my family and friends, in short, every day I show up for my life, I take pride in that day. I am proud of writing and publishing Dancing in the Dragon’s Den, I am proud of being part of my clients’ and students’ successes, I’m proud of the work my partner and I have done to create a loving, committed relationship. But I don’t want to focus on past accomplishments; I want to keep my focus on the present. How am I showing up for my life today?

What strategies did you use to calm your fears and take action?
I use habits, rituals and routines. Routines soothe the limbic brain and make it easier to move into and stay in the creative cortex. Habits remove the need to make a decision. Once I start the ‘Will I or won’t I” discussion in my head, I’m doomed. A habit means I don’t have to decide everyday if I’m going to write or meditate, I just do it six out of seven days. As an added bonus, research shows that an on-going meditation practice makes the limbic brain less reactive. In other words, the more I follow the healthy habits I’m committed to, the easier it is to follow those habits.

I also make public commitments. Part of the reason I teach the Writing Habit class at the Loft semester after semester, year after year, is that while I’m teaching them how to be accountable to themselves, they’re helping me be accountable to myself. I can’t tell students to follow the three practices I recommend unless I’m doing it myself.

You’re a coach, an author, a speaker, a teacher. What have you done to ensure that you don’t get paralyzed with inaction?
Inaction is not a problem. I’m self-employed and I’m always busy. The challenge is making sure I’m taking the right action. That’s where time management techniques, lists, working with my own coach and public commitments come in.

What do you do when none of your smackdowns are working?
Many years ago, I was clinically depressed and needed intervention from a therapist. I think my Saboteur was totally in control at that time. I’ve gone through that and a few other serious ‘dark nights of the soul’ and now I know I’ll never let the Saboteur get so powerful again. I’ve done my emotional and spiritual work. I know I can always do something to curb the Saboteur.

What keeps you motivated?
Hearing that I’m making a difference in someone’s life. My partner, my family, my friends, my dog, Blue. Being passionate. Being outraged at injustice. The glorious oranges and purples of the sun rising every morning and setting every evening. The yellow finches that gather outside my office window every spring. Great books. The thrill of writing and seeing characters and a story come together out of my imagination onto the page.

Is there anything you’d like to add that I haven’t thought to ask?
Every writer, every creative person, experiences resistance of some kind. Sometimes we recognize that as the Inner Critic or the Saboteur. Sometimes we just think we’re too busy. Sometimes we’re afraid we don’t know where to start or how to keep going. Sometimes we wonder if we really can do what we most want to do. What makes or breaks us is not whether we experience resistance (we will!), it’s how we respond to resistance. The important thing is to keep showing up for your writing/creativity, your life, yourself. I help people do that.

Do you have a pleasure deficit?

Yesterday, a series of things happened that made me realize I am experiencing a pleasure deficit. First, I had a lunch with some really groovy folks. Jocelyn Hale, the Executive Director of the Loft Literary Center, Dennis Cass, the author of the hilarious and fantastic book Head Case, and Pilar Gerasimo, Editor-in-Chief of Experience Life magazine. We were discussing an article that is coming out in the December issue of Experience Life called A Real Pleasure in which the staff of the magazine describe how all the latest research in the fields of positive psychology, neurology, and psychoneuroimmunology show that pleasure is good for us. Yet, each of us at the table admitted to not taking proper care of ourselves by doing activities that really gave us joy. For instance, I absolutely love massages but I haven’t booked one since before Eva was born. She’s 8 months old.

Then I ended up at the eye doctor yesterday afternoon with what turns out to be a case of episcleritis. My left eye is all red and it hurts. Why? Because I’ve been staring at the computer for too many hours in a row. You got it. I’ve been working too hard, with too few breaks for fun.

The final straw was a voice message from Clare. She admitted she was totally exhausted. She’s working two jobs and has to work through the Thanksgiving holiday without a break.

Consider this quote from the Experience Life article: “Pursuing pleasure and feeling stress, it turns out, are mutually exclusive – which means that embracing pleasurable experiences may present not just an opportunity for warm fuzzies, but a very real antidote to stress and a very necessary ingredient to sustained well-being.”

Instead of letting the Inner Critic freak out on me and tell me I can’t possibly get up from the desk since there is so much to do, I flipped it the bird. After a business phone call I must take at 10:30 a.m. CST, I am outta here! If you don’t hear from me for the rest of the day, you’ll know I am off visiting a flower shop and inhaling as deeply as I can. Or maybe I’ll be tasting a cup of joe in my favorite coffee shop. Or perhaps I’ll even book a massage for later this very day. The only errand I’ll run is to buy myself a pair of reading glasses – promise!

So what will you do today, right this minute, to increase the joy and pleasurable experiences in your life?

Smackdown Success Story: Pete Hautman

Pete Hautman is a full-time novelist. His book Godless won the National Book Award for Young People’s Literature in 2004. And if you loved that book (I did! I did!) then you can check out the twenty other books (and counting) he has out now. Both my husband and stepson read and praised Rash for days. That’s the next book on my list.

 I had a conversation with a man the other day who claimed that men don’t have Inner Critics, only women do. What do you think about that?

I think that man is not listening.

Do you have an Inner Critic?

His name is Alan.

What kinds of things does your Inner Critic say to you?

He thinks I should abandon the concept of metaphor and get on with the story.

What is the worst thing it’s ever said to you?

You suck.  Your father would hate this.  Your mother would be ashamed.  You are irrelevant.  Everyone will be glad when you die.  You smell weird. 

After you won the National Book Award did you experience any backlash when you showed up at the desk because you won such a prestigious award? Was it easier or harder to start the next project?

What desk?  My desk?  No, it made no difference in my writing.  Nobody other than Philip Roth wins the National Book Award twice; I’ve had my moment.  As for going forward, I had several books in the works already, and a host of ideas on deck (sports metaphor-it’s a guy thing) and hey, if I don’t write I don’t eat.  I’m now writing books I knew I was going to write years ago. 

What techniques have you used to smackdown your Inner Critic day after day, book after book?

Alan is a wimp.  I give him a look and he folds.  Hah.  Take that, Alan.  What?  What do you mean?  Really?  I do not!  Leave me alone.  I’m going to get drunk now. 

If your Inner Critic was a character, what would it be?

This really intolerant and tasteless guy named Alan who has NO FREAKING IDEA what it takes to write a book.

Has your Inner Critic ever been useful?

Well, he kept me from submitting work to publishers until I was 38 years old.  I guess that prevented a lot of breathtakingly awful prose from wasting some poor editor’s precious time.

How do you motivate yourself to finish things?

Hubris, shame, and outstanding bills.

Does a successful author like you continue to have fears and doubts that the Inner Critic beats you up with? If so, what are they?

What is it with you and Alan?  Did he do something terrible to you when you were a child?

If you don’t have a problem with the Inner Critic when it comes to writing, are there other areas of your life it shows up?

It?  Meaning Alan, or writing?  Okay, I cannot bear to dance, or sing, in public.

Is there a time when you were nervous or fearful and you did whatever it was you were nervous about anyway?

Yes. 

How?

I closed my eyes and did it.  There’s not much more to it than that.  Close your eyes really tight.  It helps.

What advice would you give to people who were stuck in inaction because they were afraid to take risks, hear criticism, etc.?

If you can’t handle criticism and rejection, and you still want to be in an artist, prepare yourself to be miserable.  Or give yourself a break and get a real job.

What are your favorite sources of inspiration?

Memories, Nature, News.  In that order. 

Is there anything else you’d like to add?  

Alan, I’m sorry!=

To get out of a rut learn something new.

Education is an antidote for many things: depression, isolation, confusion, relationship turmoil, career dissatisfaction, poverty. The list goes on. After the birth of my daughter, I settled in to nest for a while. I took time off from work, friends, and responsibilities. I learned how to feed her and take care of her and it was wonderful. But after a while, I began to feel isolated and stuck in my house. I felt like I’d gone underground. When it was time for me to engage in the world again, I started reading everything I could get my hands on about personal motivation, emotional intelligence, business development, and personal finance. This hunger for education was a clue that I was in a rut and needed to launch myself back into the public sphere. If you’re feeling stuck, consider trying something new:

• Sign up for a class with your love. Learn how to build wooden boats, manage your finances, or appreciate wine with your partner. It gives you automatic time together and expands your horizons.
• Read a different publication every morning. Instead of reading the same old newspaper or news websites day after day, purposefully seek out new sources of information. Instead of your city newspaper, listen to the BBC. Instead of reading USA Today, try Scientific American or Plenty Magazine.
• Take a class and try something you’re really bad at. I signed up for an oil painting class even though I have absolutely no talent at drawing. I managed to paint a hot pink cow. It wasn’t pretty, but it was fun!
• Connect with people outside your industry. If you’re a teacher, meet an MBA grad. If you’re in finance, talk with an architect. If you are a stay-at-home mom, meet an entrepreneur.
• Seek out teachers with a capital “T.” Find mentors who inspire and Teach you to reach for your dreams.

Today’s post was inspired by an op-ed piece about politics and a passion for learning written by Jocelyn Hale, the Executive Director of the Loft Literary Center. Read it here.

Myriad Ways to the Same Destination

I often teach classes for writers at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. And whenever people ask me what the path is to become a freelance writer I always say: “There are as many paths to a successful writing career as there are successful writers.” Sure, there are some similarities here and there, but the fact is that every writer gets to a career by way of a different route. And no writer has the exact same definition of what success means.

There are as many different ways to live from birth to death as there are people on the earth. There are as many ways to figure out what you want out of life as there are people coming of age. There are as many ways to love as there are people in relationships. There are as many different ways to raise a child as there are parents. The end game is the same. We love. We find our path. We raise our children. And yet we still feel the need to judge each other in order to make the Inner Nasty say nice things about us: “I am a way better mother because I don’t do that with my children.” “I am so much better than her because I don’t put that in my body.” “I can’t believe she slept with him!” Etc. Etc. Etc.

We’re all guilty of this. I know I am. The second I became a new mom, I was suddenly introduced to the scrutiny moms put each other under, new moms of each other, veteran moms of new moms, grandmas of moms. And when one mom asks, “Do you breastfeed?” it is actually a question about what kind of person you are. “Is she hungry?” means “What kind of mother starves her baby? And “Is she crawling yet?” means “Clearly you are neglecting your child.” It’s brutal. And what I have discovered is that those questions make me question whether or not I’m doing it right. I don’t want to mess up my baby! I want to do everything perfectly! My first reaction to these questions is to let the Inner Nasty raise its ugly head. But the truth is, it’s really the same old battle: me against me once again. The Inner Critic at work.

Next time you (or me) judge someone else or compare your (my) life to someone else’s in a negative way, smackdown the Inner Nasty by giving the person you’re judging an honest compliment. Thank them for showing you something you didn’t know before. Tell them you really love their shoes. Or their ambition to be a success. Or their car. Or their way with people. Or their taste in books.

Safe to Fail

Danielle Stein wrote a profile, Queen Anne, in W Magazine about the actress Anne Hathaway. That girl has performed some major smackdowns lately and I say Brava! Check it out:

Hathaway is the first to admit that her intensity can be paralyzing. “Emily Blunt kind of changed my approach to acting,” she says of her Prada costar, who has become a close friend. “She just f—ing got on with it. She’d just jump off the diving board. I’d stop, look at the water and then jump. And suddenly I just thought, Why, her way looks so much more fun.”

She was able to shed her inhibitions on Rachel, which features an unwieldy cast of musicians, poets and performance artists portraying Rachel’s wedding guests. “Filming was kind of like going to artistic master-class summer camp,” says Hathaway. “It was not the usual movie set with big trailers and having to ask to go to the bathroom. I was always really into theater, and I’d always hoped I’d find a community of artists to nestle my way into. On this movie I felt like I had a tribe. And everyone had their own process, so you couldn’t look odd, which was lovely. I felt free of my rather overwhelming self-consciousness. I was in an environment where failure was okay.”

Love it! When she talks about the group of artists who made her feel free of her self-consciousness and allowed her to fail it reminds me of two life-changing moments. One was participating in Andre Debus III’s writing class while I was in graduate school at Emerson College in Boston. That was the first time I really felt like I could fail and learn from my mistakes and still persue my dreams. I’ll never forget the day he said, “I know I’ll see your books on the shelves somday.” And now he can! Check out Andre and his new book:  

The second time I found an environment like the one Hathaway describes was at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. When I moved to Minnesota I knew I needed to find other people who were going for similar dreams. One of the biggest smackdowns my Inner Critic has ever received was after a reading I did at a board meeting at the Loft. After I finished, no one laughed me out of the room. Established writers whom I hold in awe asked me when the book would be published as though it was inevitable that I would publish my work. They treated me as a peer and that moment helped me begin to think of myself as a published author. My Inner Critic was seriously smacked down that day.

Anne Hathaway’s friend and colleague Emily Blunt was also quoted in that article:

Blunt believes that the combination of her recent personal trials and the filming of Rachel Getting Married have initiated a sort of rebirth for Hathaway. “She puts pressure on herself, but I think she’s at a point where she can breathe and discover her whole bag of tricks,” says the British actress. “She has this newfound sense of confidence, and as her friend, that’s very exciting to see.”

To battle The Heavyweight, that crazy loud Inner Critic we absolutely need friends like this. Friends who are excited to see us grow. Friends who are not intimidated by confidence, shedding of old skins, our successes or our failures.

Make a list of all the people who make you feel safe to fail. Spend at least an hour with one of those people each week.