Expect trouble from expectations.

The Inner Critic loves it when you have an idea in your head about how something is “supposed” to be because than it can jump all over you when the reality is different than what you thought it would be. Two friends recently shared that when they were pregnant they thought becoming a mother would be this wonderful experience. They assumed they would know what to do instinctively and instantly. But when they held their newborns in their arms, both of them felt panic. Then they felt guilt that they didn’t measure up to what they thought a new mother was supposed to be. Then they felt depressed and scared that they were not normal and weren’t cut out to be mothers. It wasn’t until they let go of their Hollywood inspired, made-up, unrealistic notions about motherhood that they could allow themselves to become the mothers they were meant to be.

Any time you expect life to look more like a movie–complete with makeup artists, stylists, air-brushing, and perfect lighting–than the messy, gritty, lovely reality it is, you’re in for trouble. Call off the Inner Critic by thanking your lucky stars that your face gets all red when you cry, you jump to conclusions sometimes, you have meltdowns, fights, and make-ups. That’s where the real juice is.

Lost in the chaos.

When I’m in the middle of doing a project I love but am also terrified of, I find myself returning to old habits and patterns to distract myself. Instead of working on my novel I will do a search on the Internet for something that is really “important ” and lose myself in the chaos of information available online. I did this last week to avoid writing and as I went to save a document with all the new research I’d found, I realized that I had already done that very search six months ago during a different avoidance session. As soon as I saw what I’d done, I returned to the novel and wrote another 1,000 words for the day. If you’re lost in the chaos, how can you simplify? How can you return to your project and simply continue to move forward one step at a time instead of distracting yourself with meaningless tasks?

Will you or won’t you?

If you say you want something but find yourself avoiding the very thing you say you want, do you know why? Once you choose to say yes to moving your fantasy into reality, will you or won’t you do what it takes to create it?

Polish your rusty skills.

As I’ve grown into an adult I have left behind things that I used to love to do. My time spinning tunes over the air as a college DJ was replaced with graduate school. Singing lessons were replaced with a job. But I’ve missed those creative outlets.

I recently started my own podcast radio show for stepmoms over at www.becomingastepmom.comand when I finished producing the first show, complete with music and an interview with an author, I was grinning ear-to-ear. Why? It’s still work, after all. But it didn’t feel like work. It felt fun. It felt creative. And best of all, it was a project that I didn’t have to rely on anyone else to complete. When I was happy with the end product, I simply pushed publish and it was done!

When I had finished it, I called one of my dear friends and told her all about it. “You sound so excited!” she said. And I am. I feel rejuvenated. I feel in touch with a more youthful part of myself. It has taken my mind off of the weight of responsibility that comes with having a family of six to support. And it’s helped me to think more creatively about other parts of my life that I’d like to reconfigure.

Steal a moment today to write down the things you used to love to do. Is there a way you can incorporate them into your life now?

Stretch your inflexibility.

I have struggled for the past year with the idea of letting go of beloved rituals and habits. Because writing is what I do for a living, I knew I had to create a structure for my life so I wouldn’t succumb to cleaning the house or watching Oprah instead of heading to my home office to do my work. Every morning I made coffee, spent quiet time reading and writing in my journal. Then I would head to the desk, check emails and my calendar, then write. Break for lunch. In the afternoon, I conducted interviews or researched a new project. Break for exercise.

I was very attached to this schedule. And in fact, would get irritated at any interruptions of it. I clung to my schedule as a way of shushing the Inner Critic who reminded me constantly that I was really afraid that if I didn’t have my habits, I would do absolutely nothing. My schedule was shot to hell the second my daughter was born. At first I fought the death of my schedule, struggling in vain to continue to work at the same pace as before in exactly the same structured days. Disaster.

Lately I’ve been meditating on flexibility. I’ve experimented with writing at 4 a.m. before anyone is awake, snatching time during naps, and asking my mom to watch the baby so I can sneak a few hours in. I’ve purchased a notebook that I carry with me and have started writing in longhand again, a paragraph at a time, while I watch my daughter play at the park.

Today, stretch your body. And consider if there are any areas of your life in which you have become too rigid. How can you experiment with different ways of approaching the same old problem?

Fatigue and the Inner Critic

Sometimes when I approach the desk to write I feel a sense of fatigue overcome me as the computer boots up. Even though only moments before I was energetic and looking forward to time at the desk, once the blank page beckons I feel tired.

Do you feel tired every time you sit down to work on a project you’ve always wanted to do? Does your body feel energetic most of the time but weighted down when you begin making moves toward a dream? Push through! That momentary fatigue is often that pesky Inner Critic doing its work to keep you down. Usually what you’ll find is if you keep going and push through the tiredness very soon you’ll feel the energy returning to your body.

Remember you don’t have to perform perfectly while you’re combating fatigue. Instead, put one foot in front of the other, calmly, purposefully and you’ll outmove the Inner Critic by proving you’re too stubborn to stop.

No hitting, no biting, no pinching.

Having a toddler in the house is extremely good training for dealing with the Inner Critic. It’s easy to get stuck in a “No” spiral where every other word out of my mouth is “No.” No hitting people. No poking eyes. No bashing the dog with a toy. No playing with electrical outlets. Though it’s important for me to teach my daughter what things she’s not allowed to do it’s just as critical that I teach her “Yes! Yes you can!” Today, instead of saying “No!” to your dream, your goal, a relationship, how can you say “Yes! Yes you can!”

Fantasy vs. reality.

There’s a difference between fantasizing about something that will mostly likely not come true and visioning something that you want to create in your life that will likely come true. For instance when I fantasize about winning the lottery and having instance access to $100 million I know I’m off in fantasy land. When I had 100 pounds to lose, I fantasized about waking up the next morning with all the weight miraculously gone. Obviously it’s highly unlikely that either of these things are really going to happen.

But when I meditate around something I really want to have or do and can begin to see myself in a particular life, career, house, relationship, etc., then I begin to believe it could really happen and start doing things to make that vision come true. I work on projects that will bring in the money I need. I make healthier choices and lose weight slowly but surely. Eventually I create the life I visioned.

How about you? What are the differences between your fantasy land and your reality? And what things that you dream about do you really want to manifest in your life?

Stage a brainstorming session.

In the advertising and marketing agency where I used to work, we planned big brainstorming meetings with the entire creative team when we had a new project. We ordered in pizza and scattered toys all over the table. We had a giant pad of paper to capture our ideas and markers in all different colors. We always came up with better ideas when we worked this way. It was fun and we had the benefit of the collective wisdom of the group. I’ve recently been thinking that I need to call a brainstorming meeting about my life so I can collect creative ideas from my friends about how to think out of the box about other challenges: where to take my career next, how to find someone to watch my kid while I write, etc.

What would you call a creative brainstorming meeting for?

Break your silences.

If you’re struggling with something, you can be damn sure that other people have wrestled with the same demons you are, they’re just not talking about it. For whatever reason you’re not sharing your insecurities, baby blues, fear of failure, or shame about something, consider breaking your code of silence. Tell a friend, call your mom, or write a song about it like this guy: