Open to Interpretation.

There is nothing like art to remind you of life’s most basic lessons. I attended a performance by Tu Dance company called Veneers choreographed by Uri Sands. The last scene of the the work is particularly powerful. A woman stands alone at the front of the stage doing repetitive movements that speed up throughout this portion of the dance until the beautiful woman looks absolutely frantic. She pulls her hair out of her tight dancer’s bun and the faster she goes the more disheveled she becomes. Still, she repeats the movements. Over and over again. A group of six or so other dancers march in a line past her to the back of the stage. They are beating bouquets of flowers over their shoulders and the petals litter the stage. At the end, the woman’s movement stops when she drops her head into her hands in what feels like despair. 

After the performance, when my friend and I compared notes we found that we had each interpreted the scene very differently. I had watched the dancers beating themselves with flowers and thought self-flagellation. I’d seen this woman falling apart after moving through the same motions again and again. She refused to give up and moved faster even at the cost of herself. She never stopped to realize how beautiful she was because she was so frantic to keep moving. For me it was the Inner Critic come to life in visual art. By the end I had tears streaming down my face.

My friend saw a woman falling apart all alone at the front of the stage with no one to help her. All of the dancer’s marching by with their flowers ignored the woman’s plight. She was alone.

Both of our versions were correct. And I’m sure there were many more versions that other audience members saw that night. This makes me think of two ways to S.M.A.C.K. that damn beast of an Inner Critic that holds us back.  First, it’s comforting to know that your way is not the only way. The way you see something might not be correct. And it is certainly not the way others see it. (This includes how you see yourself.) Second, If you’re working on a project that is dear to your heart but you hear critiques of your work that hurt you are that you don’t agree with, remember that every person who looks at your work will see it through the lens of their own life experiences. Continue working. Learn how to trust your instincts. Be open to learning something. Change things when you hear the same comment more than once. Stand firm when you’re working to express your own version of events.

Take your creativity into your own hands.

You don’t need anyone to help you get your work out into the world. Not anymore. With publishing on demand, podcasts, Internet radio, blogs, video, etc. etc. etc., it’s easier than ever to put your work into the hands of the people. Check out this cerealized (you’ll get it if you read it) story called Life is Life that children’s author Stephanie Watson is writing online. She and a group of pals are doing all the work themselves. And doesn’t it look like they’re having a blast?

What have you always wanted to do but thought you had to wait for the “establishment” to approve of you before you put yourself out there?

Who will serve as witnesses to your dreams?

This weekend I am teaching the first S.M.A.C.K. Your Inner Critic Workshopand I am thrilled! The work we’re going to be doing is so powerful that I know I will come away from this experience with lots of ammo for my Inner Critic, which frankly, I need right now. February in Minnesota is always the toughest month to get through. In fact my brother and I used to throw Don’t Commit Suicide Parties every February simply to help ourselves and our friends get through the shortest month that feels like the longest.

Some of what we’re doing in the workshop is based on work I’ve been doing with a couple of my pals for the past six years. Every year two of my girlfriends and I gather for an annual visioning summit to spend time working on our professional and personal goals for the future. First we fill each other in on what’s happened in the past year. Then we close our eyes and imagine what we want our lives to look like. Sometimes we choose specific parts to visualize: a relationship, a family, a book deal, for instance. The year I set the goal of living a writer’s life, I imagined how my office would look once I had already achieved everything I set out to. I saw the color of the paint, the awards on the wall, a copy of the New York Times bestseller list with my name on it.

After we finish playing in our imaginations, we spend time mapping out the steps we need to take in order to make the vision we saw reality. When I closed my eyes and saw my name on the cover of a book for stepmoms, for instance, I had to start listing all the action items I would need to take in order to actually publish that book, find an agent and interview stepmoms, for instance. I had to write down the things I needed to do to give me the energy and courage to start and finish such a project: exercise, time reading good books, and emotional support from friends. We then brainstorm ideas to help our fellow visioning mates achieve their goals.

All three of us have made giant strides in creating the lives we want to live. (A Career Girl’s Guide to Becoming a Stepmom has won two awards!) And it’s amazing to look back and see that the  roadmaps we’ve constructed have actually led to the places we envisioned or to destinations even more rich than we could have ever dreamed. And we did it while eating delicious food, talking, and laughing.

Here’s the SMACK for today. Find one or several other like-minded people who are all working toward creating a more fulfilling life. Set up a time to meet weekly or every other week to check in with each other. First tell the group what you want to have accomplished by the next meeting. Then review the goals you set from last time. Report in about whether you achieved them or not and any challenges or triumphs you encountered.

This is important: Make sure that your witnesses are supportive of your successes. Sometimes success creates insecurity and self-loathing in other people that they take out on you. Choose your companions carefully because having witnesses to your dreams can help move you to action.

Write an anonymous letter to someone in your family.

Is there something you wish you could say to someone in your family but know you never could? Write them a letter they will never see. Then burn it, bury it, destroy it. Or, if you’re in a blended family, send it to http://stepfamilyletterproject.wordpress.com/

Smackdown Success Story: Rosanne Bane – Part Two

Part Two. Click here to read Part One.

In your book Dancing in the Dragon’s Den, you wrote a lot about the saboteur. How do you know the difference between when you’re sabotaging yourself and when your Inner Critic is actually helping you?
I think the Inner Critic and the Saboteur are pretty much synonymous. I don’t think the Inner Critic is ever helpful. I know the Saboteur never is. The Inner Critic and the Saboteur are the voices of judgment.

My perspective is that every artist must have discernment, but judgment is never useful. Judgment is final: this is good (no need to improve) or this is bad (no possibility of improving). You have to discern what’s working and what options could improve your work.

How does the Inner Critic show up in your life?
My Saboteur is very subtle. The Saboteur always lies and my Saboteur lies by telling partial truths, usually on some variation of ‘This little thing won’t matter.’ For example, “So what if you don’t show up for your writing today, you can always put in extra time tomorrow.” True, I can skip a day without disastrous results and true, I could put in extra time the next day, but the deeper truth is that if I don’t show up on Monday, it’s harder and scarier to show up on Tuesday. Every day I miss makes it harder to come back. Even more significant, if I tell myself I’ll write every day and then I don’t show up one day, I’ve lied to myself. That feeds the Saboteur and makes it stronger. It’s vital that I keep my word to myself.

Has your own Inner Critic ever kept you from doing something that you wish you’d had the courage to do? What?
Yes and no. The Inner Critic/Saboteur has certainly delayed many of my dreams. But I’m not willing to give up, and as long as I keep showing up, taking action and doing what I can to get out of the limbic brain, where the Saboteur seems to thrive, and back to my creative brain, I’m doing okay.

I don’t know why we all have a Saboteur, but we do, so it must have some purpose. Like M. Scott Peck said “Life is hard. It’s supposed to be hard.” The Saboteur makes it harder. Fortunately, I can do hard. I’ve done things I never thought possible and shown myself that I’m capable of so much more than I usually think I am. You’re capable of more than you realize and you can do hard, too.

What are you most proud of yourself for?
Every day I show up for my writing, my self-care commitments (which are currently meditation and working out), my family and friends, in short, every day I show up for my life, I take pride in that day. I am proud of writing and publishing Dancing in the Dragon’s Den, I am proud of being part of my clients’ and students’ successes, I’m proud of the work my partner and I have done to create a loving, committed relationship. But I don’t want to focus on past accomplishments; I want to keep my focus on the present. How am I showing up for my life today?

What strategies did you use to calm your fears and take action?
I use habits, rituals and routines. Routines soothe the limbic brain and make it easier to move into and stay in the creative cortex. Habits remove the need to make a decision. Once I start the ‘Will I or won’t I” discussion in my head, I’m doomed. A habit means I don’t have to decide everyday if I’m going to write or meditate, I just do it six out of seven days. As an added bonus, research shows that an on-going meditation practice makes the limbic brain less reactive. In other words, the more I follow the healthy habits I’m committed to, the easier it is to follow those habits.

I also make public commitments. Part of the reason I teach the Writing Habit class at the Loft semester after semester, year after year, is that while I’m teaching them how to be accountable to themselves, they’re helping me be accountable to myself. I can’t tell students to follow the three practices I recommend unless I’m doing it myself.

You’re a coach, an author, a speaker, a teacher. What have you done to ensure that you don’t get paralyzed with inaction?
Inaction is not a problem. I’m self-employed and I’m always busy. The challenge is making sure I’m taking the right action. That’s where time management techniques, lists, working with my own coach and public commitments come in.

What do you do when none of your smackdowns are working?
Many years ago, I was clinically depressed and needed intervention from a therapist. I think my Saboteur was totally in control at that time. I’ve gone through that and a few other serious ‘dark nights of the soul’ and now I know I’ll never let the Saboteur get so powerful again. I’ve done my emotional and spiritual work. I know I can always do something to curb the Saboteur.

What keeps you motivated?
Hearing that I’m making a difference in someone’s life. My partner, my family, my friends, my dog, Blue. Being passionate. Being outraged at injustice. The glorious oranges and purples of the sun rising every morning and setting every evening. The yellow finches that gather outside my office window every spring. Great books. The thrill of writing and seeing characters and a story come together out of my imagination onto the page.

Is there anything you’d like to add that I haven’t thought to ask?
Every writer, every creative person, experiences resistance of some kind. Sometimes we recognize that as the Inner Critic or the Saboteur. Sometimes we just think we’re too busy. Sometimes we’re afraid we don’t know where to start or how to keep going. Sometimes we wonder if we really can do what we most want to do. What makes or breaks us is not whether we experience resistance (we will!), it’s how we respond to resistance. The important thing is to keep showing up for your writing/creativity, your life, yourself. I help people do that.

Celebrity Smackdown: Maya Angelou

Today’s smackdown is directly from the pen of one of the greatest writers of our time, Maya Angelou. During her career she has written twenty-five books, articles, poems, plays, and speeches yet even she must deal with the Inner Critic. Her latest book, Letter to my Daughter is a collection of essays about her life. Today I’m going to meditate on the meaning of this quote:

“When I decide to write anything, I get caught up in my insecurity despite the prior accolades. I think, uh, uh, now they will know I am a charlatan that I really cannot write and write really well. I am almost undone, then I pull out a new yellow pad and as I approach the clean page, I think of how blessed I am.

The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow.

Today I am blessed.”

–Maya Angelou

Smackdown Success Story: Kate DiCamillo

If you have kids or just love reading books for young people, then you know who Kate DiCamillo is. Her book Because of Winn-Dixie was a Newbery Honor Book, The Tiger Rising was a National Book Award finalist, and The Tale of Despereaux won the Newbery medal in 2003. Two of her books have made it to the big screen. The Tale of Despereaux opens in theaters December 19. Her latest book is for children is Louise, The Adventures of a Chicken, which came out in September 2008.

I saw you speak at the Loft a few years ago and you told the audience how you were rejected a lot-something like 400 times-before your editor discovered Because of Winn-Dixie in the slush pile at Candlewick Press. How did you smackdown your Inner Critic during that time and keep submitting again and again?

First, a clarification: all those rejections (some 470 or so) were for short stories, not for Winn-Dixie (a book which has led a happily charmed existence). But: how did I deal with all that rejection?  I had a dartboard. I would come home from work, open the mail, take out the most recent rejection letter, affix it to the dartboard, and throw darts at it until I felt better. Then I would take the story, package it up, write a new cover letter and send it out again.

How did you stand up to the pessimism that is so rampant among people who are stuck or not going after their dreams?

I was lucky enough to work with a man who greeted me each morning at the time clock with these words: What’s Plan B, babe?  What are you going to do when the writing doesn’t work out? What’s Plan B? I am deeply grateful to him. Every morning, I was properly enraged, ready to do battle, unwilling to give in, unwilling to give up.

Do you struggle with your Inner Critic?

Yes, but I’ve also learned to rely on my Inner Critic. I *need* that critic to show up for me when I am working on the 3rd draft and the 4th draft and the 5th draft, to help me to be ruthless, to show me what works and what doesn’t.

What kinds of things does your Inner Critic say to you?

Oh, terrible things.  One of its favorite utterances: Who do you think you are?

What is the worst thing it’s ever said to you?

Not printable.

So many people don’t celebrate their success. Have you ever said to yourself, “Damn, I’m good!” and done something special to mark your achievements?

No, I’ve never said that. I have said: I have been blessed. Please let me appreciate all these wonderful gifts that have been given to me. I’ve worked to be happy about what has happened to me.

Has there been a backlash within you to your success?

Sure, when people embrace what you do, you want to keep telling stories that will make them happy. And you can’t write to make anybody happy. It doesn’t work.

What techniques have you used to smackdown your Inner Critic day after day, book after book?

I get up early. The critic sleeps late. So, I go right from the bed to the computer, before that voice that says “no” is fully awake. Also, I keep showing up. The critic can make you lazy and afraid. I try to best it simply by showing up and doing my work, a little bit at a time.

Has your Inner Critic ever been useful?

Yes, profoundly so, in every rewrite I have done.

How do you motivate yourself to finish things?

I set manageable goals and then I stick to them.

Does a successful author like you continue to have fears and doubts that the Inner Critic beats you up with? If so, what are they?

Oh, I worry all the time: What next? What if I can’t?  

Is there a time when you were nervous or fearful and you did whatever it was you were nervous about anyway? How?

I’m nervous and fearful every day. I try to get around that by sitting down and doing the work in spite of the fear and the nerves.

What advice would you give to people who were stuck in inaction because they were afraid to take risks, hear criticism, etc.?

I would say that if this (writing) matters to you, then you are going to have to learn to take risks. It’s part of the job. And you are going to have to learn to listen to other people. That’s the job, too.

What are your favorite sources of inspiration?  

Music.  Books.  Art.  Long walks.  Coffee.  Dogs.  Friends.  Laughter.

What did you think the first time you saw your work on film?

I thought: the world is a strange and miraculous place and I am glad to be here.

Smackdown Success Story: Maria Schneider

Maria Schneider is the former editor of Writer’s Digest magazine. She recently left her job and started a new website for writers: http://editorunleashed.com. We talked with Maria to find out how she smacked down her Inner Critic and went after her dreams.

First, do you have an active Inner Critic?

Yes, I have a very pesky Inner Critic. I’m an editor after all.

I think every writer needs an Inner Critic; it’s necessary because you have to edit your work to make it publishable. It’s a detriment to be unable to take a critical eye to your own writing.

That said, it’s important to make sure your Inner Critic is in her place-and when you’re writing, that place is the time-out room.

You recently decided to leave your job as editor of Writer’s Digest in a time of economic turmoil. How did you overcome your fears of making the leap?

It might seem like an impetuous move, but I trust my instincts and my instincts were screaming at me: it’s time to move on. There was a corporate restructuring, and it became clear to me that I wasn’t going to be driving the editorial vision of the magazine any more; that it was going to become more of a marketing vehicle. That’s a corporate decision that I understand; these are tough times for publishers. But it just wasn’t a place I wanted to be any longer. In publishing, you have to align yourself with people who share your vision; otherwise, it just doesn’t work. I’m taking on freelance writing and editing jobs now to shore up my family’s finances, but yes, it is scary not to have the regular income a full-time job provides.

What are you doing now and what’s your vision for the site?

I realized the things I most loved about being the editor of Writer’s Digest-writing my blog, doing interviews, writing articles and interacting on our forum-I could do all of those things on my own by setting up my own website. As much as I love print, I think I really thrive in an online environment; I like the conversation.

My vision for the site is still emerging. I knew I wanted to start off with a blog and a writers’ forum and those are both up and running nicely just two weeks into it.

I want the site to grow into a community destination for both writers and readers. I think it’s really difficult for writers to get solid, trustworthy information online and I want to provide that for them.

I’m doing the majority of the writing for the blog now, but I will be bringing more voices into the mix through guest posts and interviews. The blog and forum will be filled with resources like creativity starters, essays and articles on writing and publishing, and critique forums for peer reviews. I’ll also be offering premium workshop forums in a few months for writers who want more intensive workshopping with an editor.

I would like to eventually start an online journal and publish some of the work that’s been workshopped on the forum. And I have a long-term dream of starting up my own little publishing house if I see the opportunity.

Right now, though, I’m focused on connecting with and growing my community of writers and readers. I believe that my business model will emerge from that. Being connected to this community of writers and readers will show me what they want and need.

What strategies did you use to calm your fears and take action?

It’s incredibly important-as a writer or anyone with creative aspirations-to seek out and align yourself with people who will support and nurture you, whether that’s an MFA program or a local workshop at your library, or an online forum like mine. A big part of the reason I started the forum, really, is that I like the conversation with other writers. I’ve seen first-hand how being involved in a good writing community can empower you. Sure, you need plenty of alone time as a writer or an artist, but the worst thing you can do is isolate yourself.

Over time, does it get easier to smackdown the Critic?

I think so. Actually, blogging has really been helpful for me in overcoming my Inner Critic. If you really commit to blogging, you need to post every day, and there’s nothing like writing every day to get you over your nagging Inner Critic. I don’t think you ever truly get over being self-critical, though. As I said, you need to be able to put a critical eye to your own work, but it’s best saved for the editing process.

What have you done to ensure that you don’t get paralyzed with inaction as you build your new life?

My creativity is really driving me at this point in my life. I almost feel as if there isn’t enough time in the day to put all of my ideas into fruition. I think that’s when you know you’re moving in the right path, you feel compelled to do something and the ideas for making it bigger and better just never seem to stop.

What do you do when none of your smackdowns are working?

Doing really mundane, routine tasks like folding laundry, loading the dishwasher, sweeping, for some reason those things really help me out when I’m creatively stuck. And the bonus, of course, is your house gets a bit cleaner.

What keeps you motivated?

My curiosity, my ideas, my sincere interest in other people, and my desire to provide an educational, inspiring and nurturing online home for writers.

What are your favorite sources of inspiration?

Music (roots, jazz and bluegrass), photographs, coffee (the taste, the smell, the caffeine!); interacting with other writers.   

What advice would you give someone who wanted to start their own venture?

It would be irresponsible of me to recommend leaving your job to start your own venture. But I know that I wouldn’t have gotten my own goals moving if I were still working full-time. Working that much just sucks up your creative energy.

If you have a book you want to write or some other venture you want to pursue, just start a dedicated notebook and write down the ideas when they come to you-a picture will start to emerge. After you have some solid ideas in place, take a week’s vacation from work to start implementing some of your plans.

I think if you find yourself drawn to working on that project every day, all day long for a week or more, that book or project is probably going to have legs for you. It has to be something you’re really drawn toward; something you’d do, at least for a little while, without pay. That being said, it’s important to generate ideas for how your project could become profitable for you in the future. You do have to give some thought to a business model, although I think it really needs to be your creativity and vision driving you.

What advice would you give to someone who was stuck in fear and inaction?

Keeping an idea notebook really has helped me. I’m always jotting down ideas. I think it should be really free form at first, just to start getting your ideas down, but you’ll find yourself being drawn more into the concrete details of a project as you keep brainstorming.

Is there some idea you’ve had at your workplace that you couldn’t push through because of corporate bureaucracy? Is there a book you’ve always wanted to read but couldn’t find in the bookstores? Write these things down in a notebook and start jotting down random thoughts that address that problem with a solution that you could build a book or business or platform around. Think big, but start small.

A Guiding Principle

At some point, anyone who follows their passion will suspect that, Oh my god, I have wasted the last X years of my life.

I recently had to face the consequences of my decision to work only low-paying jobs for ten years so that I would have the time and energy to work on my fiction. Because of my salary history, I don’t have a lot of savings I can contribute to buying my own apartment, and the amount of money I can safely borrow is limited.

My mom pointed this out to me the other day, and even though she delivered the news gently and I already knew it anyway, I still felt like I’d been sucker punched.

But the next evening, my mom called me to thank me for all the advice I’ve given her about writing. She has been hired by a writer to help excavate memories from the writer for an autobiography, and to take notes, to keep records, to be organized but not in a way that hampers the creative process, and to be a soundboard in general. A few weeks ago, she asked for my advice about this process, and it turns out that not just my mom is grateful for what I contributed, the writer is, too.

In my value system, helping another writer to write is far, far more valuable than having some extra cash lying around. I am doing what I was put on this planet to do, and if I had to make some sacrifices to do that, so be it. The ten years were absolutely worth it.

If you’re feeling conflicted about the trajectory of your life, take a minute and go back to the start. What were you put on this planet to do?

Write it down and tape it up somewhere you will see it every day. It is proof that you are not wandering around blindly. You have a destination, and you’re on your way.

Smackdown Success Story: Stephanie Watson

Stephanie Watson is the author of Elvis & Olive, a children’s book that was published by Scholastic in April 2008. She knows plenty about smacking down her inner critic. And she does a helluva job at it, too. Besides her first novel, she has two more books she’s working on and a busy career as a freelance writer. Here she talks to us about her strategies for smacking down The Heavyweight.

Do you have an active inner critic?

Who doesn’t? Mine works over time. Really diligent. A very hard worker.

When things are going well the critic likes to say things like, “This won’t last,” or “You’ll be discovered soon.” And when it’s difficult and the writing is not coming as easy as I like it to, then the critic says, “See what did we tell you before?” So yeah, it’s something that will always be with me and I feel will always be a companion but it’s about finding a way to trick the critic or somehow leave him behind. There are all kinds of things that do seem to work. I like trying a bunch of different things. No one thing works forever. It seems like the critic gets wise to your strategies. So trying a lot of different things can work well.

I really love reading books. I don’t know if you’d call them writers’ self-help books, but they are for writers, like The Courage to Write by Ralph Keyes and The Writers Book of Hope. Mostly they are filled with stories of how other writers or artists of any kind have struggled. There’s something about reading about other people’s journey through fear that gives me courage. If I hear that some of my favorite writers are battling the same demons, it makes it seem possible to get over that somehow or at least to temporarily escape the critic in order to be able to write something.

I think if you keep moving that helps. There was a big critique of this new book I’m working on and it really flattened me for a week. And I felt like if I can start moving again it will be okay. Even if the writing is difficult or not coming easy there is something about getting back into motion that seems to help a lot. The critic seems to be a slow moving beast. So if you can run fast enough… That’s something I am doing right now. I am waiting for feedback on this piece, and I decided I’m going to do this crazy thing. I’m going to write a picture-book manuscript every day for two weeks, just to be totally reckless, and like I don’t care! They can be garbage, I don’t care. Because I feel like if I stop there is too much silence and I start hearing the critic’s voice: “You suck.” It’s a lot of fun to write a picture book every day and it does seem to quiet that voice. And also at the end of two weeks hopefully I will hear back by then. If not at least I will have escaped two weeks of worrying, and I might have at least a couple of workable manuscripts that I can edit into something I can sell. Out of fourteen manuscripts there’s got to be something good. That’s a new trick.

It’s like the national novel writing month, It’s the same principle. Just run like hell, and the critic can’t keep up.

Has your inner critic kept you from doing something before?

Yeah, I think so. I think that’s what keeps me going. It’s more scary to think that I might miss an opportunity. I don’t want to ever look back and say I think, “I should have done that.” When I was in college, I was in a comedy improv group. I don’t think I knew enough to be scared about it. It was something I fell into. It was only later that I was realized that was a really scary thing to do. A few years ago I was thinking back on that and I asked myself, could I do that now? And the idea that I would not do it now because it was scary made me feel like now I have to do it. So now I’m in a comedy improv group. It’s terrifying. We perform on Tuesdays at the Brave New Workshop. It’s so scary. Every Tuesday I’m like why am I doing this? But I just want to do those things that scare me so I don’t feel bad about not having done them.

You feel very alive when you do something that makes you feel afraid. In this book I read it talks about the gifts of fear. Fear makes you very alert and anxiety makes your mind very sharp. So you approach something you’re afraid of with anxiety, but it makes you act quickly and be clever in a way that maybe you couldn’t be if you were super relaxed about it. I like that idea that maybe being afraid is not only okay but maybe you want to be a little afraid so that ultimately you do a better job and give it more concentration. That’s another thing that helps the critic. “Yeah, I’m afraid. So?” That’s what I say to myself when I’m about to go on stage with the comedy improv. “Yeah, my hands are shaking. So?” It’s uncomfortable and my inclination is to run out the door, but I’ll just stay here and be here with that fear and do it anyway. And then it ends up not mattering that I was afraid. The same holds true for writing.